Monday, June 7, 2010

Old online girlfriends...sorta.

An ode to online porn stars turned what have you.

About eight months ago, I met a former online porn star online, maybe. I met her through a most dubious of online free dating sites, and we sort of hit it off as much as two people can online.

Once we got on chat and she started sending me images, I was impressed by how much we were just connecting with each other, or rather by her lack of just wanting to show me naked pictures of her and how for the low price of 1.99 and the right timing, I could catch her online cam show.

She didn't hint that she was an online porn starlet or that she was trying to sell anything, but when she sent me an image of herself, I knew something was afoot.

So I did a little investigative googling and profile searching, took her collarme profile name, which was different from her yahoo screen name, but she had put in the first name of her yahoo profile. So I had a first and last name. Usually not something to go by, but in this case it struck me figurative gold.

She didn't have a long run as a porn starlet and she was, relatively, right in my backyard, only a couple of hundred miles away.

It took a little time but I got her to admit to her past to me. The hints were there, the professional photography that she sent me, the unusual name she used, and a few other details that googling her name pulled up, such as other profiles on other dating sites. I was almost convinced that I had a real catch on my hands.

However bitter experience has taught me that even though you found it on the internets doesn't mean that it is Kosher. One of my tests for meeting potential partners on the web is to request something that would prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that my new former porn starlet turned online romance was in all actuality who she was saying she was. I hadn't seen any just candid pictures of her yet.

Which is where it started to fall apart on us. We would sit up and talk deep into the night, each promising the other that we would do it again the next night, only for her to disappear for a few days to a week offline for reasons unknown.

She ended up in Canada one day and this is what sealed it for me. She started to ask me for a favour and I was hoping against hope that it would be something reasonable, but she asked me for money. Dealbreaker.

We hadn't met. I was wary of being scammed, and all of a sudden she was in canada needing money with a big 'turnaround' of a windfall that was going to happen to her once her business was concluded here in the states.

I felt horrible about it, but I was somewhat prepared for that. So I didn't fall too hard.

She caught up with me online again a few months ago and we just sort of talked online, but I didn't put any real effort into the interactions because I was and I am still convinced that she's some Nigerian out for my money. Not that I'm a big target, but still...

I come home today and I find a couple of new messages from her.


There is that small insignificant hope that she is real, that I've really touched her in a special way and that she wants to be with me... But then I laugh like the Joker from Batman at the hilarity of it.

No word back from her two days later. All is well then.

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