From Hot topic girl in response to my asking her out to coffee.

no offense but im kind anti guy right now. Im just wanting more friends bc i cant stand guys even hitting on me for that matter...which id like to think that u arent impling that.

My response to her was this:

Honestly, I was. Take this how you want but I think you're interesting, intriguing, and attractive. But if you aren't interested then I'm not going to be apologetic nor offended. I thought it would have been a crime on my part to not make the attempt to know such a lovely woman such as yourself. But I shall respect your wishes in this regard.

So I think that I'm going to have to write her off and move on. She's in Hot Topic, but I'm not going to be writing her up again, nor shall I be asking her to model for me as I've successfully alienated her in that she's uncomfortable with guys hitting on her and I've just told her that I am doing just that.

Her loss and that's one more no I don't have to hear.

The lesson: don't lie to them and say that you aren't interested when you really are. You set yourself up for failure that way in more ways than one. You want X from them and if they aren't willing or interested then you have got to be able to move on to the one who is willing to provide X.

X in this case being the potential for a relationship.

Do I have too?

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Last night was... Powerful.

I picked K up and we went Back to my place. We hung out, had dinner, and briefly discussed what we were going to be doing. I had her for the evening so there was no rush.

She looked at my collection of books, erotic photography, books on relationships and dominance with the occasional novel.

I know that just jumping into a scene can be jarring, K has had so little support and comfort recently I'm proud that she can get what she needs from me. I allow her to get that from me. I'm waiting for her to get in the right mindframe, the one that is pliable to my will.

When she's ready, I have her fold her clothes off to the side, then kneel before me and kiss my ring. I place my collar around her neck and lock it into place. I tell her that as long as she wears my collar then she is mine to do with as I please, my property. She accepted this.

After locking it into place, I tell her to try and take it off. She struggles with it but soon gives up, her submission is almost tangible after she realizes that this symbol of my ownership of her is not easily removed.

My purpose tonight is to cause her pain. I want to test her tolerance.

I used several toys to that purpose.

* my bare hands
* the riding crops
* the big wooden paddle
* the rattan cane
* the flicker
* the floggers
* nipple clamps

I tagged her upper back, her thighs, and her butt leaving her very pink and hot to the touch. I had to hold her up and get her back into position by gripping her pussy after the pain of the toys made her dance.

I was very satisfied with her pain tolerance. I decided to move onto the bondage portion of our activities. I don't like handcuffs, thin metal bands that can cut off circulation or you can lose the key too. I prefer leather cuffs, wide, flexible, and adjustible. You really have to be talented to hurt yourself with a pair of leather cuffs.

Ankles and wrists secured in leather cuffs, I get her done up with some breast bondage and have her kneel before me again.

K has an issue with oral sex. She can't seem to initiate the act. She wants too, but she needs help getting started.
I had her undress me using only her teeth. When I was undressed, I ordered her to service me orally, but that resulted with her face planted firmly between my legs, but no oral service. I want to push her, but not too hard and not too fast.

I secure her wrists together behind her and secure her ankles to my spreader bar and then proceed to punish her pussy by slapping it with my hand, striking it with a riding crop and then stimulating it with the hitachi magic wand.

During this process, I work a butt plug into her and attempt to fist her while using the hitachi.

I'm able to get four fingers into her pussy before she's cumming and thrashing around despite the bonds I have her in.

After she settles down, I release her arms and legs and allow her to recuperate.

We talk about the reluctance of her giving oral service. She says that she wants to be able to do it but embarasment.

I secure her hands above her head to my headboard and force her to suck my cock. I make sure that she's in a green state during this, our safewords. If she really wanted to, she could get out of the restraints.

I release her arms and she withdraws onto herself, embarasment again. I tell her that she should be proud to be sucking my cock.

I tell her that I want her to crawl between my legs and suck my cock and to do it proudly. It takes her a few minutes but she's able to do it without me forcing her.

I found that refering to her as my property really turned her on.
"How does it feel being my property, and that I'm fucking my property?"
"I love shoving my cock deep into my property's pussy. "

I am proud of my girl, my property, for taking what I gave her. I don't seek to out do others but to realize my potential as a dominant.

A note on sex and domination, they can be seperate and often should be, but this was covered in our negotiations.

I have to say that the hitachi magic wand is one of the best investments towards my toybag ever. Period.

It has helped turn an anal virgin with reservations into an anal slut in record time.

But as fun and exciting as all of those things were, they were nothing compared to K resting her head on my foot and saying thank you after we were done.

If things weren't so complicated with her situation then I would say that I had found my kinky girl, but her situation is so complicated that we both know that we're only play partners.

Maybe that will change, maybe it won't. I'm not going force that issue.

A note on leg exercises. I need to do more of them. I felt the burn when I tried to do one position and it included me doing monkey thrusts into her.

Fortunately, that is all that FortraDVD is. Squats with a bit of extra thrown in. I'm glad of the exercises I'm doing because I used them during the naughty bad fun time I had.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod

Ex girlfriend blues

The job hunt continues.

After missing the exercises on Wednesday I did them today and I feel the neglect.

Ex girlfriends are a bitch. Especially ones that you fell in love with and they didn't. I hate that she said that she had though. The memory of her saying the words 'I love you' in my ears on multiple occasions haunted my thoughts for many months and made me a desperate man trying to purge her from me after she had left.

I can honestly say that I'm indifferent to her now. She has moved on and for the longest time she was asking me to give her time while she got her life together. Lies. She never had the intention of coming back to me, and like many cowards, she was afraid to give me a straight answer. So even though she claimed to not want to lead me on, she had me by a leash and was parading me around.

It took her getting a boyfriend before telling me the truth about her feelings and letting me know that the possibility of us getting back together were nill.

I have to admit that I went through emotional hell over her. I had fallen in love and she had me convinced she felt the same. But alas she didn't actually have those feelings.

Our last 'conversation' I wanted to at the very least be a friend, but she didn't trust me to be just a friend. That she didn't care one way or the other if we were friends or not. So I told that it was in her hands and I have since left her alone.

Three to four weeks later, I've moved on and not haunted by her any more. I get full nights of sleep. I'm very glad to have her out of my life. I don't want her back. I don't miss the person I was when I was in love with her without her.

She text's me up today: "hey... Been thinking about u since the flood. D works for charter who is putting in the lines for ya'lls new office. Hope ur doing okay."

"I'm fine" was all I responded with. I was tempted to say so much more. I had a brief flash of emotion about her, but I am not going to pursue this girl anymore.

I sincerely hope that I don't hear from her again. I don't one hundred percent trust myself in regards to her. I was willing to make the commitment, to marry this girl to be a part of her life. She rejected me by going out and finding another man.

So fuck her. If I ever get the opportunity, I think I would have to tie her down and grudge fuck her ass. Then shove a butt plug in her after cumming inside of her. Ex Sex is the best because you don't care what happens after you're done. You're not their boyfriend. The funny thing about this is that I don't feel this way about all my ex's, just this one. She's the only one that I want to just utterly humiliate and degrade to the point of a doing all that above, then a golden shower on her, tossing her out the door butt as naked with her clothes thrown out at her shortly after and I wouldn't care about losing the butt plug.

She has had her opportunity with me, she let me go. Hell, she crumpled me up and threw me away. Her 'concern' for me means about as much to me now as her admissions of love do to me now as well.

I can't say that the thought of getting back together with her is a bad one, but she is convinced that she's damaged goods and is bound and determined to act the part. I hope that the new guy is experiencing the same drama that she put me through.

I'm done with her. She's a weakness, my weakness.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod

Swimming upstream towards the bears

Sometimes it can be hard to go against the grain of expectations. I do my best to be the best I can be and not be one of the many 'doms' out there by just wretching control from a prospective submissive. I want to seduce the submission from them, to have them give it to me willingly and to exchange their power for my control.

I've heard the horror stories of the girls setting up a profile on some of these sites out there, bdsmsingles, collarme, fetlife and a few I probably haven't heard of and within a day, their inboxes are just filled to bursting with messages from men and women all claiming to be either dominants, masters, or mistresses and all saying the exact same thing.

"I am now your master, submit to my will."

I wonder how many girls actually fall for that line of B.S.

I believe in Power Exchange. I love taking a powerful woman and having her relinquish her power to me. To have control of such a woman that others are afraid of her and she has submitted to me. That is intoxicating.

Now I'm not saying I'm forcing her to do anything, it would be 100% voluntary.

That does lead into some interesting conversations though. How does one such as I begin a conversation with a willing submissive who's put themselves on the block as a submissive and I want to get to know the person before I have their submission? I want to know them before I start ordering them around acting like a cat or dog, leading them around on a leash.

It is powerful for me to know that the person that is at my feet looking reverently up at me is somebody other than just a playmate.

"Hey, how are you doing?" Doesn't seem to cut it.

I guess this is why I'm opting out of online dating. As much as I can.

I need to work on my flirting and conversation skills. I had a golden opportunity the other day and I couldn't think of a single thing to talk about to this vanilla girl I had just met.

She was cute with glasses and a big nose but she had a body on her and a tight little butt.

Here's another good question: does watching porn effect how you view women?
I know that it does effect how I view myself and what the expectations of women are in the bed.

I have to remind myself that not all girls have had porno experience in that all the men in their lives haven't had 10+ meat sticks between their legs nor will they ever. Chances are that I'm actually larger than they are.

For those of you trying to figure it out, yes, I have performance anxiety because of my weight and health. Both of which I am improving.

Depending on what happens today, I may not have time to do my exercises today... The mornings seem to fly by so quickly and the afternoons aren't much different.

My attitude towards inflicting pain has gone from reluctant to eager here these past few months, it helps when people are asking for it as opposed to afraid of it. As I continue to gain more experience, I'll probably find more of my inner sadist and really start to come into my own as far as that goes.

That being said, I'm looking forward to playing with K again. Last time it was about dominance and pleasure, but this time it will be about dominance and pain, maybe a little pleasure.

We'll see.

Books are dangerous... and should be read.

I love feedback. I thrive on it. I want you to comment on what I'm writing about. Let me know if I'm entertaining you or boring you.

Being a dominant man.

Let's talk about being a dominant man real quick and why this is sexy for women in general and especially for submissive women.

Now the purpose of what I'm doing this blog for is to explore my dating techniques and to pick and choose what works and what doesn't. One of the things that I'm sold on is from this book by Gary Brodsky How to Dominate Women and that is that no matter what you as part of the dating of the woman, you should never let the woman decide anything for you.

Let me repeat that just to make sure that I am clear in what I am saying.

Never let the woman decide anything for you, in regards to you, or something that effects you that you should be deciding for yourself.

As a dominant man, you are the one making decisions for yourself. You are the last person that you have to answer to. You can take what they are saying you should be doing and you can consider it as an option, but the moment you say 'yes dear.' to something that they've decided about you is the moment that you should just chop off your balls.

If they don't like the way that you dress, then why are they hanging around you? Listen to what they have to say and then either ignore it completely or make a small compromise by deciding to wear something more appropriate but of your own choice.

You're not making decisions for her either, you're just not letting her have control of your life. This has two effects for you. It creates a bit of tension and drama that you'll both thrive on, and it reminds her that you're in charge of your own life. If she wants to be a part of it, then she has to make her own decisions to do just that.

Now I want to state that I love women. Some of the best people I know are women, and this attitude doesn't apply to all women, but since I'm attempting to find and date a submissive kinky girl... then I have to not cater to the ones that I am attracted to.

Now, being a confidant, dominant man is the secret to the success of getting a woman into bed. I've tested and proven this theory already.

Remember today's lessons;

Men; You are in charge of yourself. Don't ever give up that power or you will regret it. In a general non bdsm sense, then make the decisive decisions within the relationship of where you're going for the night and what you'll be doing and the woman will either follow along for the ride, or she won't.

You don't force her to do anything. That comes later with lots of negotiations and plenty of communications.

The day after...

The play date with K was amazing. I got to do a lot of things that I've been wanting to try and experience, as well as put the toys to some use finally.

I'm not going to give a play by play of the evening, but I got to use my metal butt plug finally, my anal hook as a vaginal hook, my hitachi wand, and all my striking toys as well as very nearly shoving my fist in her pussy.

It was a bit more sex play than dominance play, but I had her kneel while I inspected her and commanded her into various positions.

It was during this play date that I realized that I still have a long way to go on my fitness regime to get to where I want to be. One of the major things I want do work on is my sexual prowess. I'm still not satisfied with my performance to date, but bear in mind that I'm comparing myself to the Porn stars ten years younger than me (Ye gods am I that old!?) and they have never fought to bring their bodies back under control.

K said I did an amazing job and I don't doubt that I did, but I know I can do better.

By the way; Rockhard Weekend has lost it's potency. I tried it almost 8 months ago and it worked like viagra on steroids, then they changed the formula for some unknown and unacknowledged reason and now it doesn't do shit.

I know this because I have both purchased a bottle of the blue and white pills directly from the manufacturer after they stopped selling in the store and I found a guy who still had a supply of the old stuff.

Took the new pill and waited the requisite 72 hours and I noticed no difference, but when I took the old pill, well, let's just say that I was a little embarrassed to be walking around all the time.

I know that as I lose the weight and rebuild my muscle mass then I'm going to perform better in bed. I'm just being impatient for it.

I spoke to S about M the other day, nothing new there, so I'm not going to worry about it.

L never showed up for the meeting, and she isn't responding to my texts. I may have to go and see her and try to get a direct answer out of her about the modeling and the meetings.

On the actual dating front, I'm still just flirting with women around the town. I want to find another job before I really start going on dates and trying to build a relationship.

I still feel big.

By the way; I love feedback. I thrive on it. Give my your thoughts and suggestions or whatever.

A shot of Vanilla in a chocolate world.

I feel like a hypocrite, but I'm not really. I stated that I'm not using fetlife to meet new people for dating purposes, but I end up meeting people through the site anyway.

I met K through fetlife. K is a sweet girl who has a lot of kinky desires and a couple of obstacles standing in the way of her fantasy fulfillment.

She has an online dom and is currently going through a divorce. I'm just offering her my services as a play partner. I think that I have to make that very clear to her. I'm not looking to get romantically involved with her, but to just help her scratch her itch while she helps me scratch mine.

I like her, she's cool. But I'm not going to take it further than play partners.

There's been no word from S on M, but that's fine. I'm keeping myself distracted with my life to really worry about what's going on with them.

The meeting went well. We talked about a lot of things and we're going to be meeting on a more regular basis. Kink's anonymous!

I'm upset with my ipod. I had written out a nice long article about being a nice guy and what you really have to do be the man in the relationship and when I went to bring it over and polish it up, the article was gone.

How do you punish a piece of technology? Set it in the corner? Give it a good technical tap?

I recorded my missing article, driving down the road just using my ipod to record my thoughts. I may just post that after editing it a bit to tighten it up.

I think I'll do just that.

During the meeting; something strange happened. This may be normal but this is the first time it happened with me. So we're all together in a public Cafe talking about our kinky lives when I see this cute girl walk towards us and waves at me.

She, Kc, comes over and sits down with us and starts chatting with the group as if she belongs and we're just throwing terms at her like TNG and Fetlife. I pick up that she isn't quite getting it. So I lean in to her and I say... "We're into the kinky sex".

Turns out she's a swinger.

To make a long story shorter, Kc's friend comes along and gets sucked into the group as well and it's like a shot of vanilla into the dark chocolate shake of the soul.

Kc's friend has an overpowering personality and in short order, she had not taken over the meeting but was out talking us. So we got up and left after a couple of minutes. I left with the comment "hey, we're hungry and we're going to steaknshake. You're going to the bar right?"

The rest of the night was just fun talking and trying to come up with new ideas for what we can do as a group in the future.

Be on the look out for my podcast and I'll talk at you later guys.

Dogs are excellent judges of character

Sometimes doing a good deed pays off.

There are times when you are presented with opportunities that you can pass up or you can jump upon.

Sometimes they lead to a good time, often they don't, but I don't think I'll regret going down to pick up my friend from floodsville tonight.

S and I have known each other in passing for years now. I met S when she was but a tiny little teenager and I have watched her become a young woman. Naturally I kind of like the idea of me and her getting together, but she's got a man right now so I'm not going to push that issue.

But she isn't the happiness in this little story. The happiness comes in the form of her friend whom you get introduced to. Cute little girl, M. I think I made a good impression, but my 'game' wasn't on tonight because I'm still in the preliminary 'get my ass into shape' so I didn't really get some good flirting in or some power moves.

Which leads into my next point; girls are fucking everywhere and you never know when you'll be meeting somebody new. Be a Boy scout and be prepared.

As much as I love my friends and family, it took a good stranger to bring me back to earth and let me know that, yes, even though I've been losing weight, I still have a surplus.

That's cool though. I still feel better than ever and I'm still driving towards that killer body I want so bad... I'll settle for a more functional model though.

I think that I'm on the edge of a revelation about women and flirting in general. The edge of it. I'm not there yet.

Me and S bonded tonight in a way that we've never bonded before... she got my iphone and looked at my porn stash. I don't know what the hell I look at when I'm bored and horny at 3 o'clock in the morning, but I should probably stop putting it on my iphone. There were things that I probably shouldn't have on there.

I knew S wasn't an innocent teenager anymore when she started rating the difficulty of some of the positions that she flipped through. Not counting the contortionist poses.

So here's to growing up and to meeting new people.

It's hard to do a sit up when you're drowning

I did it…mostly. I did all of the exercises on the Fortradvd; if by all you don't include a lot of the reps and an entire section labeled 'the next level,' then I did all of the exercises. I feel good after having done them, cleaner.

Of course I had to pause the video a couple of times to catch my breath and to get resituated as the video progressed. There were a couple of exercises that I just couldn't do, something about having a belly getting in the way of me kicking the ceiling. I did my best though and ended up mostly kicking the wall.

After the workout, I'm not ashamed to say that I collapsed and let myself just become a puddle of goo. My heart was pounding, sweat was pouring off of me in rivulets, and I experienced a weakness of the muscles that comes with a good exertion.

I can't even write with a pen, my handwriting has gone from bad to illegible. I can feel it now, the pain is going to be overwhelming once my body realizes what I'm doing to it. I plan on doing this again on Wednesday and then on Friday.

Now that I have the exercise program in place and I'm working on improving my overall health and sexual appeal, I would like to touch on a few other topics about myself that all single men should take into consideration.

How we appear: I'm guilty of it, giving myself the once over in the morning and thinking I'm some sexy stuff with my rumpled hair and day old stubble. The sad fact is that I don't look like Brad Pitt at his worst when I'm at my best, none of us do. So why am I neglecting the things that will get my foot in the door with the people that I want to attract?

I'm not actually. But for the sake of argument and discussion, let's examine what I need to address to make sure that the presentation of me is the best that I can do as if I were ignoring it all.

One of the first things that women notice is a guy's hair. Is it messy? Does it fit my head? When was the last time I had it cut? Would it look better on an older man? All questions to be answered.

Right now, my hair is a bit longer than what I'm used to. I have widow's peak that makes it look as if I have a receding hairline. When I was younger I liked dressing up as Dracula for Halloween, so it wasn't an issue then. Now that I'm older though, looking as if you're about to go bald isn't the hottest look in town. My plan is to find a good stylist and get a professional opinion on what my next hairstyle should be.

I'm also looking for the hairs growing out of my face. Any odd, rogue hairs popping out of unusual places? Pluck ‘em, and I have to be sure to shave more than once a week.

They say that the clothes make the man and they're right. I have to go through and look at all my clothes to make sure that they are in good condition and that I don't need to go visit the seamstress. I also have to confirm that they fit me well.

Being a larger man has certain advantages, but clothing is not one of them. Being built like a small mountain often means that the most effort many designers have put into designing for the bigger man is to put some interesting graphics on the drapery that we are presented with. So what clothes I do find that fit and look good on me, I treat as if they are more precious than gold. Cause they are just as expensive.

The next thing that I have to look at is my shoes. Are they nice, or are they really comfortable and torn to hell? Trust me, given the option, I would go for the comfort of a favorite pair of shoes over the discomfort of a better looking pair, but women are often not given this option.

Why go through all this trouble? Because women do it for us all the time, to the point that they do it subconsciously now. It is only common courtesy that I should do it for them. Trust me when I say that they will notice; they won't say anything right away, but they will appreciate that you have taken the time to adjust your appearance for them.

Our appearance says a lot to everybody who looks at us. Subtle clues that say a lot about us: do we take ourselves seriously? Are we mature? How I dress is going to tell her so much about me even before I've had a chance to say hello.

Think of your body as a house: the physical condition of the house is your health, the yard as your hair, and the paint as your clothing. You know those condemned houses that nobody wants to look at? They're falling apart at the seams and the yard is overgrown and the paint is cracking and in need of a fresh coat?

Compare that to the houses on Nob Hill. Structurally sound, immaculate yards, and paint so meticulous that you couldn't find a crack in them for years to come. Which would you like to put the down payment on?

I'm off to repair my structure and mow the yard. Till next time.

Breaking news

My place of employment has been flooded. So the blog will continue as normal, but any actual dates or anything that requires money will probably not happen until I find new work or I start making money with my online skills.

Diary of a single kinkster: QandA

So I’ve gotten a few questions from a couple of readers and I would like to take a moment to answer some of them and also answer some additional questions that I have cooking on the back burner.

cfs from Fetlife writes in and asks: I have a hard time telling a guy I met in a vanilla setting my other side. How do you plan to tell her when you already found a girl but don’t know if she's into kinks as well?

Subtle hints, a playful slap on the ass during foreplay, share a kinky fantasy, leave some 'incriminating' evidence out for her to find, or in the excitement of foreplay ask her to do something kinky and see how she reacts.

And if all else fails... Have a talk with her. Let her know that I'm a kinky guy and any relationship I get into will have that element.

For yourself: I would suggest something similar. It really does depend on how important kink is to you. If you can do without it, then don't risk it. But if you think that he'll react badly to the idea and you need kink, then he isn't fulfilling your needs.

Forbidden Light said...

Sounds like the makings of an interesting strand or stories and revelations...I look forward to discovering what make you so "kinky"...

What makes me so kinky?

I’m into bdsm, bondage discipline, domination submission, and sadism and masochism.

I like to tie people up with rope bondage, shibari bondage, suspension bondage, and leather bondage. I would like to try predicament bondage at some point.

I like to play with toys when with my partner, bringing them to orgasm or just idly playing with them while they’re bound and helpless.

I like anal sex, playing with anal toys, and butt plugs

I love the idea of being served by her while she’s naked and submissive.

I have several fantasies that I want to live out, tying my girl up in a shibari rope dress and then dressing up and going out with her. The rope is knotted at strategic points so as to erotically torment her during the time out. Have her learn and hold some positions naked while some of our kinky friends are over and she’s not allowed to move for any reason. Have her act as a kitty and me her master. Go out and play in a semi public area.

I want to go to fetish events.

I want to photograph our relationship as part of an artistic project.

If she wanted to, I would be willing to allow her to have me with a strap on.

I have plenty of toys that would keep us occupied for a long time to come.

Forbidden Light also said

I'm interested in reading more about the niche you're looking to carve out. Does the scarcity lie in the limited number of open-minded women or are your proclivities unpopular?

The niche I’m trying to carve out isn’t a new one, but rather a different way of looking at the dating relationship template. Instead of coming at it from a position of success, I’m the guy that all of the dating guru’s are trying to reach and teach. I’m going to be taking their advise and putting them to the test and reporting to you if they work or not.

The scarcity lies in my habits as a dating man. I'm not putting myself out there where the women are and I've got just enough dating experience to be dangerous but not suave nor devastating.

From what I've seen, the women are open to the idea, maybe not on the same level as they would be out in, say, Chicago. But I can't say that they aren't open-minded or if these activities are unpopular. They may be unpopular in public.

Why vanilla dating? Why not find an already kinky girl from one of the kinky social sites such as Collarme or Fetlife?

Several reasons. The major one is that many of the girls on these social sites have been bombarded by messages from so many men that have no idea what they’re doing let alone how to talk to a girl. So their expectations become skewed and they begin to expect that all interactions on these sites with men will end up boiling down to men trying to get into their pants as quick as they are able too.

I’m not going to deny that isn’t my goal, but at the same time I like being able to return to my playground to play again in the future, so I don’t burn the place down the first time I’m there.

Another reason is that there are some kinks I’m just not into so I find myself looking past somebody for reasons that may turn me on in real life.

The ultimate reason is one of numbers though; I have had far more success offline than I have ever had online.

What are you looking for? What are you attracted to and what the ultimate goal?

I’m actually reluctant to put up what it is that I’m attracted too because I don’t want to inhibit my search because somebody assumes I’m not willing to bend on something.

I can say what I’m attracted to physically, mentally, and socially.

Physically: I like smaller girls, small breasts and petite bodies. Slim, athletic, tall, short, or average. I’m also attracted to the tall and strong women, who’ve actually been to the gym and could, if they really wanted too, kick my ass.

I am not attracted to the bigger girls. Trust me, I tried. I’m just not sexually attracted to the BBW’s out there.

Mentally: I love intelligence. I love it when I can have a conversation with my girlfriend and not have to stop and dumb myself down for her. On that same token I don’t want to have to put her in that very position.

The mind trumps the body; so if I find a really smart girl I can connect with and she doesn’t have the perfect body, then she’ll win out over some vapid waste of space that looks good in a bikini.

I’m heteroflexible meaning that I’m willing to let her have me with the strap on (only her) and I’m willing to run with the idea of a male to female transgender as a partner.

I’m shallow enough to realize that appearances are important to me but deep enough to try to look beyond them.

The ultimate goal of mine is marriage and beyond.

I hope this answers some questions that you may have about me and you produce additional questions for me.

Diary of a single kinkster: The Podcast

I did it. I recorded my first podcast, edited the hell out of it and got it posted up.

Diary of a Single Kinkster: The Podcast

Podcasting a little more difficult than I imagined, but easier than I feared. Mostly I wrote out something of a script that I could follow along and then I listened to the play back, attempted to weed out all the small verbal mistakes I made and then made some music to go with it.

I've made some progress today. I've found my exercise program that I shall begin using on a regular schedule starting monday. The hope is to get up early enough in the morning and do the exercises before I go to work. More than likely at night after I get home. I know I'm out of shape cardiovascularly speaking, but my strength is still up there. I just need to work on the stamina and the core.

Foreplay Training or Fortra

So I shall be doing the entire program to get into the shape I want to be in to have the kind of sex I want to have.

If I get a partner that is interested in exercising with me, all the better.

I would like to find a second host for the podcast. Have a conversation about dating and relationships instead of me just talking about it.

Diary of a single kinkster: How to Succeed with Women Book Review and Action plan.

Almost ten years ago, when I was still feeling just out of high school and still fumbling my way around women in general, I had a couple of really good friends that worked in a porn store.

One day I’m just hanging out with them when I find a book on the back shelf that just doesn’t seem to belong. For one, there are no images, no pictures of naked women, just a really thick book with a plain black cover with the words How to succeed with women on the cover.

This was and is the holy grail of how to interact on a romantic level with women. This is the missing manual that all men should get when they are just turning of age and they are ready to ask their crush on their first date. I credit whatever success I have had with women at the feet of this book.

I would like to say that, even today, I still practice what is taught in that book, but I can’t. I am in need of a refresher course and with that in mind I shall take you along with me for the ride.

Now, as a note, I am not going to go through the entire book with you, nor will I share any of the ultimate secrets within the book. I bought my book just like anybody else, and so should you. Support the authors.

The refresher course is going to be relatively simple and for the most part I’m going to keep it that way. I’ll talk about some of the habits of a successful seducer and their suggestions on how to date. I will give generic comparisons to what they say I should be doing and what the reality is.

The intent of this book is to make the reader successful with women. The authors recognize that this usually means, for men, having a lot of sex with several different partners. That is perfectly fine. My end goal is to find a partner, not several of them, but I’m open to that possibility.

The book breaks down the entire dating process into several parts and examines what makes up a successful seducer of women and provides the tools and technologies for men to make that connection to a woman and convince her that he is damn sexy.

Would you believe that confidence is the key? That seems to be a common theme in all the dating materials I have ever read. Even beyond that; but just the ability to walk away from a potential prospect and making life work for you is part of the confidence.

The basic formula is to flirt, to go on an informational short priming date, then a real date, the proceed from there. The priming date is short but packed with questions that you’ll use to create the mood of the next date. What’s her favorite flowers, music, restaurant, etc. and then you build a date up from there. Be ready for anything, especially if your date isn’t ready for the night to end once dinner is over.

I have met with success in the past with such a model, sometimes it got me a kiss, and other times it got me much more than what I was aiming for

Since we are only dating right now and looking for the one that may be as kinky as I am, right now I’m only vanilla dating.

I feel I must clarify myself with the fetlife issue and why I’m not going to be doing any hunting around there or on any other bdsm / kinky sex site for my kinky girl when that is what those sites are for.

There are a few reasons, the main one is a matter of concentration; there aren’t enough single kinky girls who are aware of their kinky desires in my area to decide to go online and declare their kinky nature in the search of a single male partner. Those that are single and fit my parameters have all been hit with the deluge of hook up requests from every man from here to Canada all wanting the same thing; sex.

So when I come along and try to make that meaningful connection that says: “you’re not just a whore to me, you’re worth getting to know and spending time with so that we both may find what we’re looking for”, they’re on guard and looking for any reason to not trust me. Why should one guy be any different from the rest of the assholes that just want to use them and leave them?

Now, this isn’t always the case. There have been times when I would find a girl who’s temperament suits mine and we get along and would possibly be a passionate couple that epic stories are written about… except that they’re just too far for me to make that trip on short notice.

The final word is that I’m not going to go hunting around on fetlife for my kinky girl. If she were to find me on there, then I wouldn’t fight it.

In closing; if you’re a guy, go buy this book: How to succeed with women. Especially if you’re having issues dating.

Volunteers to copyedit my posts would be greatly appreciated.

Diary of a Single Kinkster 1.3

I've created a Fetlife profile. Single_Kinkster

Fetlife is a free social site, much like MySpace or Facebook, except that it is explicitly for kinky minded people. For the most part it is an excellent site filled with wonderful people and lots of advice and support.

However; I shall not be using it in my search for my kinky girl.

Why not?

I've already had my fair share of meeting people from this site and having it go south, so instead of meeting people there first, I shall endeavor to meet them first before looking them up on Fetlife.