Swimming upstream towards the bears

Sometimes it can be hard to go against the grain of expectations. I do my best to be the best I can be and not be one of the many 'doms' out there by just wretching control from a prospective submissive. I want to seduce the submission from them, to have them give it to me willingly and to exchange their power for my control.

I've heard the horror stories of the girls setting up a profile on some of these sites out there, bdsmsingles, collarme, fetlife and a few I probably haven't heard of and within a day, their inboxes are just filled to bursting with messages from men and women all claiming to be either dominants, masters, or mistresses and all saying the exact same thing.

"I am now your master, submit to my will."

I wonder how many girls actually fall for that line of B.S.

I believe in Power Exchange. I love taking a powerful woman and having her relinquish her power to me. To have control of such a woman that others are afraid of her and she has submitted to me. That is intoxicating.

Now I'm not saying I'm forcing her to do anything, it would be 100% voluntary.

That does lead into some interesting conversations though. How does one such as I begin a conversation with a willing submissive who's put themselves on the block as a submissive and I want to get to know the person before I have their submission? I want to know them before I start ordering them around acting like a cat or dog, leading them around on a leash.

It is powerful for me to know that the person that is at my feet looking reverently up at me is somebody other than just a playmate.

"Hey, how are you doing?" Doesn't seem to cut it.

I guess this is why I'm opting out of online dating. As much as I can.

I need to work on my flirting and conversation skills. I had a golden opportunity the other day and I couldn't think of a single thing to talk about to this vanilla girl I had just met.

She was cute with glasses and a big nose but she had a body on her and a tight little butt.

Here's another good question: does watching porn effect how you view women?
I know that it does effect how I view myself and what the expectations of women are in the bed.

I have to remind myself that not all girls have had porno experience in that all the men in their lives haven't had 10+ meat sticks between their legs nor will they ever. Chances are that I'm actually larger than they are.

For those of you trying to figure it out, yes, I have performance anxiety because of my weight and health. Both of which I am improving.

Depending on what happens today, I may not have time to do my exercises today... The mornings seem to fly by so quickly and the afternoons aren't much different.

My attitude towards inflicting pain has gone from reluctant to eager here these past few months, it helps when people are asking for it as opposed to afraid of it. As I continue to gain more experience, I'll probably find more of my inner sadist and really start to come into my own as far as that goes.

That being said, I'm looking forward to playing with K again. Last time it was about dominance and pleasure, but this time it will be about dominance and pain, maybe a little pleasure.

We'll see.

Random thoughts on an iPod

I was able to make it out to The Mark for their annual slave auction. http://themarkbycpi.com Saw a lot of people I hadn't seen in a while, met a lot of people that were new to me.

There were a few young women there that I wouldn't mind going out with. I'm not ready yet though.

I want to lose at least fifty pounds before I start really dating anybody. I think that the way that I'm doing this weightloss is going to be crucial in not just seeing me lose the weight but regaining the ultimate control and health of my body.

I want my stomach to either be in line with my chest or below it. So I think I'll find some additional cardio, core exercises and chest exercises to do on the off days of Tuesdays and Thursdays.

I know that my body isn't my biggest issue when it comes to dating and sex, but it is a major component.

Attitude and behavior. Sex appeal.

I want to get my own place, somewhere that I can dedicate to my passions and make my own money.

I'm still toying with the idea of making my own book and website. I need models for that though. I also need more money than what I have.

I feel like I'm starting at square one, I'm missing so much information about my job history and there was a period of about a year that I was unemployed. I was going to school and working at the school paper, but I was bringing in no substantial amount of income.

I used to collect Skin Two magazines and Marque magazines before they stopped carrying them at my usual bookstore haunts. I guess I was the only one buying the product.

I did the FortraDVD exercises today and I was able to do more of them. It left me soaked with sweat and exhausted. I also finished off the workout as she implies, I'll try this for a week and see if this has a noticable effect.

I'm also going to fill up my off days with some cardio, upper body, and core exercises. Or if I can find a good martial arts class to attend.

The job hunt continues: the application process is as arduous as I ever remember.

I hope that I can find work soon. I'm running into all the scams for people seeking work though, pay us X dollars and then you can apply with us.

Lol! Sorry buddy. If I had the money to be paying you, then I wouldn't be needing a job.

Tomorrow is measurement Wednesday and I hope I've lost something.

I need to see about selling some of my photography. I'll start a list of search options up and see if I can find some sites willing to buy then try to find a girl willing to take a chance.

How much does a bondage/fetish model get paid?



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod

Books are dangerous... and should be read.

I love feedback. I thrive on it. I want you to comment on what I'm writing about. Let me know if I'm entertaining you or boring you.

Being a dominant man.

Let's talk about being a dominant man real quick and why this is sexy for women in general and especially for submissive women.

Now the purpose of what I'm doing this blog for is to explore my dating techniques and to pick and choose what works and what doesn't. One of the things that I'm sold on is from this book by Gary Brodsky How to Dominate Women and that is that no matter what you as part of the dating of the woman, you should never let the woman decide anything for you.

Let me repeat that just to make sure that I am clear in what I am saying.

Never let the woman decide anything for you, in regards to you, or something that effects you that you should be deciding for yourself.

As a dominant man, you are the one making decisions for yourself. You are the last person that you have to answer to. You can take what they are saying you should be doing and you can consider it as an option, but the moment you say 'yes dear.' to something that they've decided about you is the moment that you should just chop off your balls.

If they don't like the way that you dress, then why are they hanging around you? Listen to what they have to say and then either ignore it completely or make a small compromise by deciding to wear something more appropriate but of your own choice.

You're not making decisions for her either, you're just not letting her have control of your life. This has two effects for you. It creates a bit of tension and drama that you'll both thrive on, and it reminds her that you're in charge of your own life. If she wants to be a part of it, then she has to make her own decisions to do just that.

Now I want to state that I love women. Some of the best people I know are women, and this attitude doesn't apply to all women, but since I'm attempting to find and date a submissive kinky girl... then I have to not cater to the ones that I am attracted to.

Now, being a confidant, dominant man is the secret to the success of getting a woman into bed. I've tested and proven this theory already.

Remember today's lessons;

Men; You are in charge of yourself. Don't ever give up that power or you will regret it. In a general non bdsm sense, then make the decisive decisions within the relationship of where you're going for the night and what you'll be doing and the woman will either follow along for the ride, or she won't.

You don't force her to do anything. That comes later with lots of negotiations and plenty of communications.

The day after...

The play date with K was amazing. I got to do a lot of things that I've been wanting to try and experience, as well as put the toys to some use finally.

I'm not going to give a play by play of the evening, but I got to use my metal butt plug finally, my anal hook as a vaginal hook, my hitachi wand, and all my striking toys as well as very nearly shoving my fist in her pussy.

It was a bit more sex play than dominance play, but I had her kneel while I inspected her and commanded her into various positions.

It was during this play date that I realized that I still have a long way to go on my fitness regime to get to where I want to be. One of the major things I want do work on is my sexual prowess. I'm still not satisfied with my performance to date, but bear in mind that I'm comparing myself to the Porn stars ten years younger than me (Ye gods am I that old!?) and they have never fought to bring their bodies back under control.

K said I did an amazing job and I don't doubt that I did, but I know I can do better.

By the way; Rockhard Weekend has lost it's potency. I tried it almost 8 months ago and it worked like viagra on steroids, then they changed the formula for some unknown and unacknowledged reason and now it doesn't do shit.

I know this because I have both purchased a bottle of the blue and white pills directly from the manufacturer after they stopped selling in the store and I found a guy who still had a supply of the old stuff.

Took the new pill and waited the requisite 72 hours and I noticed no difference, but when I took the old pill, well, let's just say that I was a little embarrassed to be walking around all the time.

I know that as I lose the weight and rebuild my muscle mass then I'm going to perform better in bed. I'm just being impatient for it.

I spoke to S about M the other day, nothing new there, so I'm not going to worry about it.

L never showed up for the meeting, and she isn't responding to my texts. I may have to go and see her and try to get a direct answer out of her about the modeling and the meetings.

On the actual dating front, I'm still just flirting with women around the town. I want to find another job before I really start going on dates and trying to build a relationship.

I still feel big.

By the way; I love feedback. I thrive on it. Give my your thoughts and suggestions or whatever.

Damn you's a heavy bastard

A few months ago, I stepped into the doctor's office to get myself checked out and tested for STD's because I had just been invited to attend a serious play party where the host was anticipating it to be just one night of debauchery and sex, and she was requesting that the guests be tested before hand to prevent any unwanted infections.

I was surprised by my weight, thinking myself a healthy 250 but when the scale came out with the number of nearly 300 lbs. I was quite surprised. The real shocker, though, came when I was chatting it up with the nurse, kind of flirting with her while she was taking my blood pressure when she started asking me some unusual questions. Do you have any pain? Headaches? etc. I hadn't, but now that you mention it...

I wasn't really too concerned. High blood pressure runs in the family, but when the doctor came in and said, "So I understand that you're here for your blood pressure," I knew that my original purpose had been lost in the panic.

So I made the decision to change my lifestyle from burgers and fries to salads and nuts. I sucked down those Naked Fruit juices like they were water and generally just tried to eat better and healthier than what I had in the past.

I also attempted to exercise, but you know how that goes, you just don't want to do those repetitive exercises that make your muscles hurt and you so tired that you don't know where the day went.

I lost about 5 pounds that first couple of months just by changing my diet; by the way, my tests came back clean for the most part. They didn't like my blood work at the time, but a second workup showed dramatic improvements over the first one. The joys of proper eating.

My weight is currently at 278, and I want to lose 80 more pounds. If that rumor of cock length is true then I'll have an additional two inches after I've lost the weight. I measured myself the other day and I'm an average length with a 4g Prince Albert crown. I'm not holding my breath, but it is exciting to think that it is a possibility. (I understand that this is just a fantasy.)

I'm excited about tonight. I have a play date with K set up and I'm going to be doing so much to her. We've negotiated everything out, we're clear about what is and isn't acceptable, and we're both very excited. She's probably very nervous, but she said as much.

I'll let you know how the play date went later on. I have to go hunt for work now.

Weight 278

Reading outside of my Diary

Hey guys,

I just thought that I would be the friendly blogger and link up to some of the other bloggers whom I'm following now and give you the best of the best in terms of content and relevancy.

Entering the Scene (A Lonely Pervert Guide)

This is a wonderful essay about getting into the scene, especially if you're single.

Graydancer

A pillar of the community if you ask me.

Violet Blue

I love her voice.

Fetish Flame

I miss these guys. We should pester them to make new shows.

Measurement Wednesday!

I've done the workout about five times. I've made my own little adjustments to the order of things on the DVD, like stretching before I do the exercises. Not that they're difficult by themselves, but I just seem to do more after stretching.

If Kat were to do another one of these videos, I would have to say adding some stretches in the beginning to get warmed up with would be a great idea. I mean, really…who doesn’t stretch before they work out?

I would also suggest leaving more time between exercises that require a position change. I'm an out of shape kinky bastard and sometimes I just need to breathe after doing some of the core work. So when Jessie comes out ready to do pushups, I really hate him at that point, because I'm still on my back panting from the stomach crunches.

I'm a bit confused about the ending of the DVD; are we supposed to masturbate or have an orgasm at the end of the as part of the workout? It's implied but never included as part of it…

Some things I've noticed since starting the workout: when I first started the workout on the 3rd of May, I was three exercises in and sweat was pouring off me in buckets. Today I'm sweating, but it isn't the pool of sweat I had before. My heart was pounding in my chest and throat those first few days, but not now.

I don't feel much different except I've noticed I'm eating less and staying full longer, and people have really noticed that I'm looking much better. I'm not porn star quality yet, but damnit, that's what I'm shooting for!

I didn't take my measurements at the beginning of the regime, but I'm going to get them now and post them and then come back to them in a week.

Measurement Wednesday is born.

5/11/10

Navel 46" totally relaxed

Upper Thigh 34"

Chest 46"

Weight unknown, no scales available

Click my links and buy the DVD. It works. It isn't a joke.