It's hard to do a sit up when you're drowning

I did it…mostly. I did all of the exercises on the Fortradvd; if by all you don't include a lot of the reps and an entire section labeled 'the next level,' then I did all of the exercises. I feel good after having done them, cleaner.

Of course I had to pause the video a couple of times to catch my breath and to get resituated as the video progressed. There were a couple of exercises that I just couldn't do, something about having a belly getting in the way of me kicking the ceiling. I did my best though and ended up mostly kicking the wall.

After the workout, I'm not ashamed to say that I collapsed and let myself just become a puddle of goo. My heart was pounding, sweat was pouring off of me in rivulets, and I experienced a weakness of the muscles that comes with a good exertion.

I can't even write with a pen, my handwriting has gone from bad to illegible. I can feel it now, the pain is going to be overwhelming once my body realizes what I'm doing to it. I plan on doing this again on Wednesday and then on Friday.

Now that I have the exercise program in place and I'm working on improving my overall health and sexual appeal, I would like to touch on a few other topics about myself that all single men should take into consideration.

How we appear: I'm guilty of it, giving myself the once over in the morning and thinking I'm some sexy stuff with my rumpled hair and day old stubble. The sad fact is that I don't look like Brad Pitt at his worst when I'm at my best, none of us do. So why am I neglecting the things that will get my foot in the door with the people that I want to attract?

I'm not actually. But for the sake of argument and discussion, let's examine what I need to address to make sure that the presentation of me is the best that I can do as if I were ignoring it all.

One of the first things that women notice is a guy's hair. Is it messy? Does it fit my head? When was the last time I had it cut? Would it look better on an older man? All questions to be answered.

Right now, my hair is a bit longer than what I'm used to. I have widow's peak that makes it look as if I have a receding hairline. When I was younger I liked dressing up as Dracula for Halloween, so it wasn't an issue then. Now that I'm older though, looking as if you're about to go bald isn't the hottest look in town. My plan is to find a good stylist and get a professional opinion on what my next hairstyle should be.

I'm also looking for the hairs growing out of my face. Any odd, rogue hairs popping out of unusual places? Pluck ‘em, and I have to be sure to shave more than once a week.

They say that the clothes make the man and they're right. I have to go through and look at all my clothes to make sure that they are in good condition and that I don't need to go visit the seamstress. I also have to confirm that they fit me well.

Being a larger man has certain advantages, but clothing is not one of them. Being built like a small mountain often means that the most effort many designers have put into designing for the bigger man is to put some interesting graphics on the drapery that we are presented with. So what clothes I do find that fit and look good on me, I treat as if they are more precious than gold. Cause they are just as expensive.

The next thing that I have to look at is my shoes. Are they nice, or are they really comfortable and torn to hell? Trust me, given the option, I would go for the comfort of a favorite pair of shoes over the discomfort of a better looking pair, but women are often not given this option.

Why go through all this trouble? Because women do it for us all the time, to the point that they do it subconsciously now. It is only common courtesy that I should do it for them. Trust me when I say that they will notice; they won't say anything right away, but they will appreciate that you have taken the time to adjust your appearance for them.

Our appearance says a lot to everybody who looks at us. Subtle clues that say a lot about us: do we take ourselves seriously? Are we mature? How I dress is going to tell her so much about me even before I've had a chance to say hello.

Think of your body as a house: the physical condition of the house is your health, the yard as your hair, and the paint as your clothing. You know those condemned houses that nobody wants to look at? They're falling apart at the seams and the yard is overgrown and the paint is cracking and in need of a fresh coat?

Compare that to the houses on Nob Hill. Structurally sound, immaculate yards, and paint so meticulous that you couldn't find a crack in them for years to come. Which would you like to put the down payment on?

I'm off to repair my structure and mow the yard. Till next time.

Breaking news

My place of employment has been flooded. So the blog will continue as normal, but any actual dates or anything that requires money will probably not happen until I find new work or I start making money with my online skills.

Diary of a single kinkster: QandA

So I’ve gotten a few questions from a couple of readers and I would like to take a moment to answer some of them and also answer some additional questions that I have cooking on the back burner.

cfs from Fetlife writes in and asks: I have a hard time telling a guy I met in a vanilla setting my other side. How do you plan to tell her when you already found a girl but don’t know if she's into kinks as well?

Subtle hints, a playful slap on the ass during foreplay, share a kinky fantasy, leave some 'incriminating' evidence out for her to find, or in the excitement of foreplay ask her to do something kinky and see how she reacts.

And if all else fails... Have a talk with her. Let her know that I'm a kinky guy and any relationship I get into will have that element.

For yourself: I would suggest something similar. It really does depend on how important kink is to you. If you can do without it, then don't risk it. But if you think that he'll react badly to the idea and you need kink, then he isn't fulfilling your needs.

Forbidden Light said...

Sounds like the makings of an interesting strand or stories and revelations...I look forward to discovering what make you so "kinky"...

What makes me so kinky?

I’m into bdsm, bondage discipline, domination submission, and sadism and masochism.

I like to tie people up with rope bondage, shibari bondage, suspension bondage, and leather bondage. I would like to try predicament bondage at some point.

I like to play with toys when with my partner, bringing them to orgasm or just idly playing with them while they’re bound and helpless.

I like anal sex, playing with anal toys, and butt plugs

I love the idea of being served by her while she’s naked and submissive.

I have several fantasies that I want to live out, tying my girl up in a shibari rope dress and then dressing up and going out with her. The rope is knotted at strategic points so as to erotically torment her during the time out. Have her learn and hold some positions naked while some of our kinky friends are over and she’s not allowed to move for any reason. Have her act as a kitty and me her master. Go out and play in a semi public area.

I want to go to fetish events.

I want to photograph our relationship as part of an artistic project.

If she wanted to, I would be willing to allow her to have me with a strap on.

I have plenty of toys that would keep us occupied for a long time to come.

Forbidden Light also said

I'm interested in reading more about the niche you're looking to carve out. Does the scarcity lie in the limited number of open-minded women or are your proclivities unpopular?

The niche I’m trying to carve out isn’t a new one, but rather a different way of looking at the dating relationship template. Instead of coming at it from a position of success, I’m the guy that all of the dating guru’s are trying to reach and teach. I’m going to be taking their advise and putting them to the test and reporting to you if they work or not.

The scarcity lies in my habits as a dating man. I'm not putting myself out there where the women are and I've got just enough dating experience to be dangerous but not suave nor devastating.

From what I've seen, the women are open to the idea, maybe not on the same level as they would be out in, say, Chicago. But I can't say that they aren't open-minded or if these activities are unpopular. They may be unpopular in public.

Why vanilla dating? Why not find an already kinky girl from one of the kinky social sites such as Collarme or Fetlife?

Several reasons. The major one is that many of the girls on these social sites have been bombarded by messages from so many men that have no idea what they’re doing let alone how to talk to a girl. So their expectations become skewed and they begin to expect that all interactions on these sites with men will end up boiling down to men trying to get into their pants as quick as they are able too.

I’m not going to deny that isn’t my goal, but at the same time I like being able to return to my playground to play again in the future, so I don’t burn the place down the first time I’m there.

Another reason is that there are some kinks I’m just not into so I find myself looking past somebody for reasons that may turn me on in real life.

The ultimate reason is one of numbers though; I have had far more success offline than I have ever had online.

What are you looking for? What are you attracted to and what the ultimate goal?

I’m actually reluctant to put up what it is that I’m attracted too because I don’t want to inhibit my search because somebody assumes I’m not willing to bend on something.

I can say what I’m attracted to physically, mentally, and socially.

Physically: I like smaller girls, small breasts and petite bodies. Slim, athletic, tall, short, or average. I’m also attracted to the tall and strong women, who’ve actually been to the gym and could, if they really wanted too, kick my ass.

I am not attracted to the bigger girls. Trust me, I tried. I’m just not sexually attracted to the BBW’s out there.

Mentally: I love intelligence. I love it when I can have a conversation with my girlfriend and not have to stop and dumb myself down for her. On that same token I don’t want to have to put her in that very position.

The mind trumps the body; so if I find a really smart girl I can connect with and she doesn’t have the perfect body, then she’ll win out over some vapid waste of space that looks good in a bikini.

I’m heteroflexible meaning that I’m willing to let her have me with the strap on (only her) and I’m willing to run with the idea of a male to female transgender as a partner.

I’m shallow enough to realize that appearances are important to me but deep enough to try to look beyond them.

The ultimate goal of mine is marriage and beyond.

I hope this answers some questions that you may have about me and you produce additional questions for me.

Diary of a single kinkster: The first exercise

One of the horrible things about being honest with myself and keeping up with the original intents of this blog and podcast is that I have to be honest with you, my readers, as well.

So I decided to pull out the exercise video and give it a shot to see just how out of shape that I truly am and much to my dismay, I made through two of the exercises before I stopped.

I am not surprised by this.

Does this mean that I am giving this up? Oh hell no. If anything this right here proves to me how much I need this video and everything that it represents. The last time I had sex, I thought I was some hot shit. I was wrong. She didn’t have to say anything to me, in fact she said quite the opposite, but if I’m this far out of good shape then I would assume that my performance was lacking a little something for her.

My goal for this video is to make it through the entire regime of exercises in one sitting and still be functional afterwards and not have to pause the thing once.

I realize that I am not going to be able to do this tomorrow. I also understand that I want to find somebody to do this with me if because I am going to be in so much pain then I want to share that misery with somebody.

In a related topic; I know a lot of military guys, I used to game a lot and only here recently quit that dangerous habit.

Gaming is like a drug only there are no campaigns against it anymore, and you can’t do it alone unless you have a lot of expensive equipment.

I walked into the old gaming store where I used to hang out and I saw some of my old friends of whom I used to game with and was appalled by how much some of them had let themselves go. I stopped hanging out with them six months ago, and my military friends have gained all the weight that I have been losing. They’re like swelled up balloon versions of the people I used to know.

I don’t blame gaming it self. I blame the fact that exercise isn’t promoted in such a way as to make people want to do it more often.

Just to give a round about idea of where I’m at in my progress; here are my stats at the beginning of this new exercise regime.

Height: 6’2”

Weight: 274 lbs. (I carry it well and this is where it was the last time I was at the doctors.)

Girth: I wear a 42 in pants.

Diet: salads, nuts, oatmeal, water, chicken, and the occasional breakdown of the diet in the form of a pizza slice or a burger. Not to mention the healthy choice frozen dinners.

I have been doing this diet for the past few months because I needed to lose the weight for reasons above and beyond the “I want to look good naked and have her call my name when she orgasms for years to come” reasons.

I’ll see about arranging for a ‘before’ image to be made to show the state of affairs as they stand

with my body and see about posting progress pictures as well.

Now, I want to stress that I am aware that this exercise is not going to be the end all an

swer to all my dating issues. I’m laying the foundation for the sex I plan to be having and right now the county inspector has found reasons to deny the permits. During this process I shall continue with my other efforts to make myself over and become more attractive to the opposite sex.

Diary of a single kinkster: The Podcast

I did it. I recorded my first podcast, edited the hell out of it and got it posted up.

Diary of a Single Kinkster: The Podcast

Podcasting a little more difficult than I imagined, but easier than I feared. Mostly I wrote out something of a script that I could follow along and then I listened to the play back, attempted to weed out all the small verbal mistakes I made and then made some music to go with it.

I've made some progress today. I've found my exercise program that I shall begin using on a regular schedule starting monday. The hope is to get up early enough in the morning and do the exercises before I go to work. More than likely at night after I get home. I know I'm out of shape cardiovascularly speaking, but my strength is still up there. I just need to work on the stamina and the core.

Foreplay Training or Fortra

So I shall be doing the entire program to get into the shape I want to be in to have the kind of sex I want to have.

If I get a partner that is interested in exercising with me, all the better.

I would like to find a second host for the podcast. Have a conversation about dating and relationships instead of me just talking about it.

Diary of a single kinkster: Fitness program

Oh hell yeah.

I am getting this video and I am going to use it.

http://fortradvd.com/

I would go so far as to put a link for this think as an advertisement if they would pay me.

Once I get my copy I'll post my progress with this as well.

Diary of a single kinkster: Podcasting?

So I am trying my hand at podcasting as well as blogging in an effort to really focus my efforts in my endeavor of dating. I am running into the same issue that all podcasters undoubtedly run into initially in their podcasting career; I hate the sound of my own voice.

Maybe I'm being over critical of my self (I am), but I hear all the flaws in my voice and voice patterns.

Diary of a single kinkster: The Podcast

Don't get excited yet, there are no podcasts yet. I'm still working on the first one and if I can ever muscle my way through it without making a mistake, then I'll get it up there.

I do find it amazing that doing a blog and podcast are remarkably similiar except that with a blog the writing can be forgiven a little, but with the podcast, you can come off sounding pretty bad if the writing is poor.

Right now I'm just practicing the flirting at work during my breaks. I haven't been out to meet anybody yet at any of the hot spots. Hot spots: where to go to meet women interested in dating; examples include the bar, night club, mixers, or events.

So once I've given myself and my home a once over with the intent to romanticize them both, then I shall go to where the women are.

In the meantime I shall continue to do as I have done and flirt with any and all women who come my way as a method of practicing.

Diary of a single kinkster: How to Succeed with Women Book Review and Action plan.

Almost ten years ago, when I was still feeling just out of high school and still fumbling my way around women in general, I had a couple of really good friends that worked in a porn store.

One day I’m just hanging out with them when I find a book on the back shelf that just doesn’t seem to belong. For one, there are no images, no pictures of naked women, just a really thick book with a plain black cover with the words How to succeed with women on the cover.

This was and is the holy grail of how to interact on a romantic level with women. This is the missing manual that all men should get when they are just turning of age and they are ready to ask their crush on their first date. I credit whatever success I have had with women at the feet of this book.

I would like to say that, even today, I still practice what is taught in that book, but I can’t. I am in need of a refresher course and with that in mind I shall take you along with me for the ride.

Now, as a note, I am not going to go through the entire book with you, nor will I share any of the ultimate secrets within the book. I bought my book just like anybody else, and so should you. Support the authors.

The refresher course is going to be relatively simple and for the most part I’m going to keep it that way. I’ll talk about some of the habits of a successful seducer and their suggestions on how to date. I will give generic comparisons to what they say I should be doing and what the reality is.

The intent of this book is to make the reader successful with women. The authors recognize that this usually means, for men, having a lot of sex with several different partners. That is perfectly fine. My end goal is to find a partner, not several of them, but I’m open to that possibility.

The book breaks down the entire dating process into several parts and examines what makes up a successful seducer of women and provides the tools and technologies for men to make that connection to a woman and convince her that he is damn sexy.

Would you believe that confidence is the key? That seems to be a common theme in all the dating materials I have ever read. Even beyond that; but just the ability to walk away from a potential prospect and making life work for you is part of the confidence.

The basic formula is to flirt, to go on an informational short priming date, then a real date, the proceed from there. The priming date is short but packed with questions that you’ll use to create the mood of the next date. What’s her favorite flowers, music, restaurant, etc. and then you build a date up from there. Be ready for anything, especially if your date isn’t ready for the night to end once dinner is over.

I have met with success in the past with such a model, sometimes it got me a kiss, and other times it got me much more than what I was aiming for

Since we are only dating right now and looking for the one that may be as kinky as I am, right now I’m only vanilla dating.

I feel I must clarify myself with the fetlife issue and why I’m not going to be doing any hunting around there or on any other bdsm / kinky sex site for my kinky girl when that is what those sites are for.

There are a few reasons, the main one is a matter of concentration; there aren’t enough single kinky girls who are aware of their kinky desires in my area to decide to go online and declare their kinky nature in the search of a single male partner. Those that are single and fit my parameters have all been hit with the deluge of hook up requests from every man from here to Canada all wanting the same thing; sex.

So when I come along and try to make that meaningful connection that says: “you’re not just a whore to me, you’re worth getting to know and spending time with so that we both may find what we’re looking for”, they’re on guard and looking for any reason to not trust me. Why should one guy be any different from the rest of the assholes that just want to use them and leave them?

Now, this isn’t always the case. There have been times when I would find a girl who’s temperament suits mine and we get along and would possibly be a passionate couple that epic stories are written about… except that they’re just too far for me to make that trip on short notice.

The final word is that I’m not going to go hunting around on fetlife for my kinky girl. If she were to find me on there, then I wouldn’t fight it.

In closing; if you’re a guy, go buy this book: How to succeed with women. Especially if you’re having issues dating.

Volunteers to copyedit my posts would be greatly appreciated.