Monday, May 31, 2010

Flirt log 5/31/10

Chuck Palahniuk girl

I saw her hello kitty tattoo, which let me open with questions about her tattoos. She had a tattoo of the cover of Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk.

She was impressed that I knew the reference, we flirted over his other novels up till it was time to make my order at the coffee cafe. When I asked if we could talk more later online, she said that the barista was her boyfriend.

She ended up giving me her facebook info though.

Lesson: know your references. You never know who you can impress.

Potential? Medium to slim.

At the movies:

Cashier, she had a cheap promise ring, flirted with her over it.

Concessions girl; it was her first day, her discomfort was endearing. As her trainer was handling the people in front of me, I told her to get me a water. We chatted a bit about first days at work before I got rung up and cashed out.

Lesson: don't just focus on one girl at first, you don't know which one is going to work.

Lesson: you don't have to flirt in overdrive. You can flirt with a longterm goal in mind.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Flirt log 5/30/10

Hot topic girl

I feel like I'm crossing a line because I'm asking her to model for me.

We met and spoke about the possibility of doing some modeling for me. At the end of the meeting, I felt like I was at a golden opportunity to ask her out to coffee.

Maybe I've fucked up. I don't know. She's cute. I don't want to lose the opportunity to do a photoshoot with her, but I also like her so I couldn't waste the opportunity.

I'm not paying her for the modeling, nor is she paying me. I suppose that removes some of the dubiousness out of the ethical part of this.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod

Friday, May 28, 2010

Life's little moments.

Of all the lessons in life that I was taught growing up by my parents, by television, and by books, the worst lesson was that I needed somebody else in my life to be happy.

That's a lie. In fact, it's such a harmful lesson that I attribute it to the number of desperate single people in the world today. You can be happy all by your lonesome, or rather, you don't need a romantic partner to be happy.

When you go out looking for a romantic partner, the thing you don't want to do is pin the whole of your happiness to them being with you. What you do want to do is to attain your happiness from other sources.

So let's explore this a little. If you aren't satisfied with your life as it is right now, getting a romantic partner involved will not solve all of you emotional woes; in fact, it may even make you unhappier in the long run.

Identify what about your life that needs to change in order for you to find satisfaction.

Let me clarify: I'm not saying don't go looking for romantic partners, just don't go looking for your happiness with them. Look to share your happiness and satisfaction in life with them, not for them to provide it to you.

Think about it like this: you find somebody who looks to you for their happiness...It's a nice thought until you don't meet an expectation, or the happiness doesn't come and they're left with the thought that they'll be happier with somebody else.

Get a hobby, find a better job, move away from the family, try new things, get a pet, etc. Do something to give your life substance so that when you do find a romantic partner, they find a life worth joining.

The key to this statement is that they are joining in your happiness, not providing it to you.

What am I doing to provide myself with my own satisfaction? I'm writing, I do photography, I organize groups and community events in the kinky community, I have friends that I can turn to for company, and my family.

What do you have?

Monday, May 24, 2010

Do I have too?

I'm sitting here staring at a pile of work that needs to be done for me to move forward. I've been staring at it since about 8. I'm looking for things to distract me from the work because I've let it develop into a mountain and I'm not one hundred percent sure which rock will be the best one to start with to whittle the mountain down to bitesize chunks.

Fetlife, that wonderfully perverted social site of kinky goodness, is down at the moment. I keep getting the 504 Gateway Time-out error. Which is good in it's own way, means I can't be perving it up there and not be getting my work done.

I'm trying to find a way so that I can display my photography so I can maybe get a job doing what I love.

I love taking pictures... of naked girls... in bondage... fetish... and erotic poses.
Yeah. This picture is one of mine.

I'm going to have to create that job aren't I?

There's more work to be done. Yard work, Resume work, Job-application work, Domestic work.

It's monday so it's the day I do my Fortra exercises. Another task to be put on the pile. I love the exercises, don't get me wrong, but when I look at it all together...

Jay Wiseman once posted something in his group on fetlife about having a babysitter, somebody that came over, hung out and kept him on task. Having played that role for others in the past, I appreciate what it is that he was asking for.

Just somebody to be there and prevent the distractions of the shiny sites, the new and interesting porn (They're doing what with a what to that Girl??), and the random perving of random fetlife members.

If I ever get my kinky submissive girl, that will be one of her duties to me. Keep me on task.

Something weird last night: I went to bed a little hungry last night, then about 3am I woke up with a funny feeling in my stomach and my mouth was just watering.

Now when I say watering, I don't mean the little bit of extra saliva you get when you think of or smell food, I mean I didn't need a drink of water after I swallowed what was in my mouth.

Maybe it was a dream.

I would also like to make a note about my sexuality. I'm hetroflexible. I just found this term and I haven't looked it up, but I'm a smart fellow, so I'm going to make an educated guess/make up my own meaning for the word.

Being hetroflexible; I am attracted to feminine people. I've experimented in the past with anal stimulation and blowjobs with other men and I found that the only major obstacle for me was the Hair. I can't do the body hair nor the facial hair, but I had no issue with the penis. Go figure.

So when I say that I'm hetroflexible, I mean that I can be flexible in my defining of a partner. If I get a pre op transexual that can pass, then I'm okay with that. If I get a woman that occasionally wants to use a strap on, that's fine too.

Do I need that? No, I'm just open to it. I refuse to pigeonhole myself into any role. Except maybe kinky bastard.

I think I've wasted enough time...

Back to work with me.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Last night was... Powerful.

I picked K up and we went Back to my place. We hung out, had dinner, and briefly discussed what we were going to be doing. I had her for the evening so there was no rush.

She looked at my collection of books, erotic photography, books on relationships and dominance with the occasional novel.

I know that just jumping into a scene can be jarring, K has had so little support and comfort recently I'm proud that she can get what she needs from me. I allow her to get that from me. I'm waiting for her to get in the right mindframe, the one that is pliable to my will.

When she's ready, I have her fold her clothes off to the side, then kneel before me and kiss my ring. I place my collar around her neck and lock it into place. I tell her that as long as she wears my collar then she is mine to do with as I please, my property. She accepted this.

After locking it into place, I tell her to try and take it off. She struggles with it but soon gives up, her submission is almost tangible after she realizes that this symbol of my ownership of her is not easily removed.

My purpose tonight is to cause her pain. I want to test her tolerance.

I used several toys to that purpose.

* my bare hands
* the riding crops
* the big wooden paddle
* the rattan cane
* the flicker
* the floggers
* nipple clamps

I tagged her upper back, her thighs, and her butt leaving her very pink and hot to the touch. I had to hold her up and get her back into position by gripping her pussy after the pain of the toys made her dance.

I was very satisfied with her pain tolerance. I decided to move onto the bondage portion of our activities. I don't like handcuffs, thin metal bands that can cut off circulation or you can lose the key too. I prefer leather cuffs, wide, flexible, and adjustible. You really have to be talented to hurt yourself with a pair of leather cuffs.

Ankles and wrists secured in leather cuffs, I get her done up with some breast bondage and have her kneel before me again.

K has an issue with oral sex. She can't seem to initiate the act. She wants too, but she needs help getting started.
I had her undress me using only her teeth. When I was undressed, I ordered her to service me orally, but that resulted with her face planted firmly between my legs, but no oral service. I want to push her, but not too hard and not too fast.

I secure her wrists together behind her and secure her ankles to my spreader bar and then proceed to punish her pussy by slapping it with my hand, striking it with a riding crop and then stimulating it with the hitachi magic wand.

During this process, I work a butt plug into her and attempt to fist her while using the hitachi.

I'm able to get four fingers into her pussy before she's cumming and thrashing around despite the bonds I have her in.

After she settles down, I release her arms and legs and allow her to recuperate.

We talk about the reluctance of her giving oral service. She says that she wants to be able to do it but embarasment.

I secure her hands above her head to my headboard and force her to suck my cock. I make sure that she's in a green state during this, our safewords. If she really wanted to, she could get out of the restraints.

I release her arms and she withdraws onto herself, embarasment again. I tell her that she should be proud to be sucking my cock.

I tell her that I want her to crawl between my legs and suck my cock and to do it proudly. It takes her a few minutes but she's able to do it without me forcing her.

I found that refering to her as my property really turned her on.
"How does it feel being my property, and that I'm fucking my property?"
"I love shoving my cock deep into my property's pussy. "

I am proud of my girl, my property, for taking what I gave her. I don't seek to out do others but to realize my potential as a dominant.

A note on sex and domination, they can be seperate and often should be, but this was covered in our negotiations.

I have to say that the hitachi magic wand is one of the best investments towards my toybag ever. Period.

It has helped turn an anal virgin with reservations into an anal slut in record time.

But as fun and exciting as all of those things were, they were nothing compared to K resting her head on my foot and saying thank you after we were done.

If things weren't so complicated with her situation then I would say that I had found my kinky girl, but her situation is so complicated that we both know that we're only play partners.

Maybe that will change, maybe it won't. I'm not going force that issue.

A note on leg exercises. I need to do more of them. I felt the burn when I tried to do one position and it included me doing monkey thrusts into her.

Fortunately, that is all that FortraDVD is. Squats with a bit of extra thrown in. I'm glad of the exercises I'm doing because I used them during the naughty bad fun time I had.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod

Friday, May 21, 2010

Ex girlfriend blues

The job hunt continues.

After missing the exercises on Wednesday I did them today and I feel the neglect.

Ex girlfriends are a bitch. Especially ones that you fell in love with and they didn't. I hate that she said that she had though. The memory of her saying the words 'I love you' in my ears on multiple occasions haunted my thoughts for many months and made me a desperate man trying to purge her from me after she had left.

I can honestly say that I'm indifferent to her now. She has moved on and for the longest time she was asking me to give her time while she got her life together. Lies. She never had the intention of coming back to me, and like many cowards, she was afraid to give me a straight answer. So even though she claimed to not want to lead me on, she had me by a leash and was parading me around.

It took her getting a boyfriend before telling me the truth about her feelings and letting me know that the possibility of us getting back together were nill.

I have to admit that I went through emotional hell over her. I had fallen in love and she had me convinced she felt the same. But alas she didn't actually have those feelings.

Our last 'conversation' I wanted to at the very least be a friend, but she didn't trust me to be just a friend. That she didn't care one way or the other if we were friends or not. So I told that it was in her hands and I have since left her alone.

Three to four weeks later, I've moved on and not haunted by her any more. I get full nights of sleep. I'm very glad to have her out of my life. I don't want her back. I don't miss the person I was when I was in love with her without her.

She text's me up today: "hey... Been thinking about u since the flood. D works for charter who is putting in the lines for ya'lls new office. Hope ur doing okay."

"I'm fine" was all I responded with. I was tempted to say so much more. I had a brief flash of emotion about her, but I am not going to pursue this girl anymore.

I sincerely hope that I don't hear from her again. I don't one hundred percent trust myself in regards to her. I was willing to make the commitment, to marry this girl to be a part of her life. She rejected me by going out and finding another man.

So fuck her. If I ever get the opportunity, I think I would have to tie her down and grudge fuck her ass. Then shove a butt plug in her after cumming inside of her. Ex Sex is the best because you don't care what happens after you're done. You're not their boyfriend. The funny thing about this is that I don't feel this way about all my ex's, just this one. She's the only one that I want to just utterly humiliate and degrade to the point of a doing all that above, then a golden shower on her, tossing her out the door butt as naked with her clothes thrown out at her shortly after and I wouldn't care about losing the butt plug.

She has had her opportunity with me, she let me go. Hell, she crumpled me up and threw me away. Her 'concern' for me means about as much to me now as her admissions of love do to me now as well.

I can't say that the thought of getting back together with her is a bad one, but she is convinced that she's damaged goods and is bound and determined to act the part. I hope that the new guy is experiencing the same drama that she put me through.

I'm done with her. She's a weakness, my weakness.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Swimming upstream towards the bears

Sometimes it can be hard to go against the grain of expectations. I do my best to be the best I can be and not be one of the many 'doms' out there by just wretching control from a prospective submissive. I want to seduce the submission from them, to have them give it to me willingly and to exchange their power for my control.

I've heard the horror stories of the girls setting up a profile on some of these sites out there, bdsmsingles, collarme, fetlife and a few I probably haven't heard of and within a day, their inboxes are just filled to bursting with messages from men and women all claiming to be either dominants, masters, or mistresses and all saying the exact same thing.

"I am now your master, submit to my will."

I wonder how many girls actually fall for that line of B.S.

I believe in Power Exchange. I love taking a powerful woman and having her relinquish her power to me. To have control of such a woman that others are afraid of her and she has submitted to me. That is intoxicating.

Now I'm not saying I'm forcing her to do anything, it would be 100% voluntary.

That does lead into some interesting conversations though. How does one such as I begin a conversation with a willing submissive who's put themselves on the block as a submissive and I want to get to know the person before I have their submission? I want to know them before I start ordering them around acting like a cat or dog, leading them around on a leash.

It is powerful for me to know that the person that is at my feet looking reverently up at me is somebody other than just a playmate.

"Hey, how are you doing?" Doesn't seem to cut it.

I guess this is why I'm opting out of online dating. As much as I can.

I need to work on my flirting and conversation skills. I had a golden opportunity the other day and I couldn't think of a single thing to talk about to this vanilla girl I had just met.

She was cute with glasses and a big nose but she had a body on her and a tight little butt.

Here's another good question: does watching porn effect how you view women?
I know that it does effect how I view myself and what the expectations of women are in the bed.

I have to remind myself that not all girls have had porno experience in that all the men in their lives haven't had 10+ meat sticks between their legs nor will they ever. Chances are that I'm actually larger than they are.

For those of you trying to figure it out, yes, I have performance anxiety because of my weight and health. Both of which I am improving.

Depending on what happens today, I may not have time to do my exercises today... The mornings seem to fly by so quickly and the afternoons aren't much different.

My attitude towards inflicting pain has gone from reluctant to eager here these past few months, it helps when people are asking for it as opposed to afraid of it. As I continue to gain more experience, I'll probably find more of my inner sadist and really start to come into my own as far as that goes.

That being said, I'm looking forward to playing with K again. Last time it was about dominance and pleasure, but this time it will be about dominance and pain, maybe a little pleasure.

We'll see.

JT's Stockroom

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Random thoughts on an iPod

I was able to make it out to The Mark for their annual slave auction. Saw a lot of people I hadn't seen in a while, met a lot of people that were new to me.

There were a few young women there that I wouldn't mind going out with. I'm not ready yet though.

I want to lose at least fifty pounds before I start really dating anybody. I think that the way that I'm doing this weightloss is going to be crucial in not just seeing me lose the weight but regaining the ultimate control and health of my body.

I want my stomach to either be in line with my chest or below it. So I think I'll find some additional cardio, core exercises and chest exercises to do on the off days of Tuesdays and Thursdays.

I know that my body isn't my biggest issue when it comes to dating and sex, but it is a major component.

Attitude and behavior. Sex appeal.

I want to get my own place, somewhere that I can dedicate to my passions and make my own money.

I'm still toying with the idea of making my own book and website. I need models for that though. I also need more money than what I have.

I feel like I'm starting at square one, I'm missing so much information about my job history and there was a period of about a year that I was unemployed. I was going to school and working at the school paper, but I was bringing in no substantial amount of income.

I used to collect Skin Two magazines and Marque magazines before they stopped carrying them at my usual bookstore haunts. I guess I was the only one buying the product.

I did the FortraDVD exercises today and I was able to do more of them. It left me soaked with sweat and exhausted. I also finished off the workout as she implies, I'll try this for a week and see if this has a noticable effect.

I'm also going to fill up my off days with some cardio, upper body, and core exercises. Or if I can find a good martial arts class to attend.

The job hunt continues: the application process is as arduous as I ever remember.

I hope that I can find work soon. I'm running into all the scams for people seeking work though, pay us X dollars and then you can apply with us.

Lol! Sorry buddy. If I had the money to be paying you, then I wouldn't be needing a job.

Tomorrow is measurement Wednesday and I hope I've lost something.

I need to see about selling some of my photography. I'll start a list of search options up and see if I can find some sites willing to buy then try to find a girl willing to take a chance.

How much does a bondage/fetish model get paid?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Books are dangerous... and should be read.

I love feedback. I thrive on it. I want you to comment on what I'm writing about. Let me know if I'm entertaining you or boring you.

Being a dominant man.

Let's talk about being a dominant man real quick and why this is sexy for women in general and especially for submissive women.

Now the purpose of what I'm doing this blog for is to explore my dating techniques and to pick and choose what works and what doesn't. One of the things that I'm sold on is from this book by Gary Brodsky How to Dominate Women and that is that no matter what you as part of the dating of the woman, you should never let the woman decide anything for you.

Let me repeat that just to make sure that I am clear in what I am saying.

Never let the woman decide anything for you, in regards to you, or something that effects you that you should be deciding for yourself.

As a dominant man, you are the one making decisions for yourself. You are the last person that you have to answer to. You can take what they are saying you should be doing and you can consider it as an option, but the moment you say 'yes dear.' to something that they've decided about you is the moment that you should just chop off your balls.

If they don't like the way that you dress, then why are they hanging around you? Listen to what they have to say and then either ignore it completely or make a small compromise by deciding to wear something more appropriate but of your own choice.

You're not making decisions for her either, you're just not letting her have control of your life. This has two effects for you. It creates a bit of tension and drama that you'll both thrive on, and it reminds her that you're in charge of your own life. If she wants to be a part of it, then she has to make her own decisions to do just that.

Now I want to state that I love women. Some of the best people I know are women, and this attitude doesn't apply to all women, but since I'm attempting to find and date a submissive kinky girl... then I have to not cater to the ones that I am attracted to.

Now, being a confidant, dominant man is the secret to the success of getting a woman into bed. I've tested and proven this theory already.

Remember today's lessons;

Men; You are in charge of yourself. Don't ever give up that power or you will regret it. In a general non bdsm sense, then make the decisive decisions within the relationship of where you're going for the night and what you'll be doing and the woman will either follow along for the ride, or she won't.

You don't force her to do anything. That comes later with lots of negotiations and plenty of communications.

JT's Stockroom

Saturday, May 15, 2010

The day after...

The play date with K was amazing. I got to do a lot of things that I've been wanting to try and experience, as well as put the toys to some use finally.

I'm not going to give a play by play of the evening, but I got to use my metal butt plug finally, my anal hook as a vaginal hook, my hitachi wand, and all my striking toys as well as very nearly shoving my fist in her pussy.

It was a bit more sex play than dominance play, but I had her kneel while I inspected her and commanded her into various positions.

It was during this play date that I realized that I still have a long way to go on my fitness regime to get to where I want to be. One of the major things I want do work on is my sexual prowess. I'm still not satisfied with my performance to date, but bear in mind that I'm comparing myself to the Porn stars ten years younger than me (Ye gods am I that old!?) and they have never fought to bring their bodies back under control.

K said I did an amazing job and I don't doubt that I did, but I know I can do better.

By the way; Rockhard Weekend has lost it's potency. I tried it almost 8 months ago and it worked like viagra on steroids, then they changed the formula for some unknown and unacknowledged reason and now it doesn't do shit.

I know this because I have both purchased a bottle of the blue and white pills directly from the manufacturer after they stopped selling in the store and I found a guy who still had a supply of the old stuff.

Took the new pill and waited the requisite 72 hours and I noticed no difference, but when I took the old pill, well, let's just say that I was a little embarrassed to be walking around all the time.

I know that as I lose the weight and rebuild my muscle mass then I'm going to perform better in bed. I'm just being impatient for it.

I spoke to S about M the other day, nothing new there, so I'm not going to worry about it.

L never showed up for the meeting, and she isn't responding to my texts. I may have to go and see her and try to get a direct answer out of her about the modeling and the meetings.

On the actual dating front, I'm still just flirting with women around the town. I want to find another job before I really start going on dates and trying to build a relationship.

I still feel big.

By the way; I love feedback. I thrive on it. Give my your thoughts and suggestions or whatever.

JT's Stockroom

Friday, May 14, 2010

Damn you's a heavy bastard

A few months ago, I stepped into the doctor's office to get myself checked out and tested for STD's because I had just been invited to attend a serious play party where the host was anticipating it to be just one night of debauchery and sex, and she was requesting that the guests be tested before hand to prevent any unwanted infections.

I was surprised by my weight, thinking myself a healthy 250 but when the scale came out with the number of nearly 300 lbs. I was quite surprised. The real shocker, though, came when I was chatting it up with the nurse, kind of flirting with her while she was taking my blood pressure when she started asking me some unusual questions. Do you have any pain? Headaches? etc. I hadn't, but now that you mention it...

I wasn't really too concerned. High blood pressure runs in the family, but when the doctor came in and said, "So I understand that you're here for your blood pressure," I knew that my original purpose had been lost in the panic.

So I made the decision to change my lifestyle from burgers and fries to salads and nuts. I sucked down those Naked Fruit juices like they were water and generally just tried to eat better and healthier than what I had in the past.

I also attempted to exercise, but you know how that goes, you just don't want to do those repetitive exercises that make your muscles hurt and you so tired that you don't know where the day went.

I lost about 5 pounds that first couple of months just by changing my diet; by the way, my tests came back clean for the most part. They didn't like my blood work at the time, but a second workup showed dramatic improvements over the first one. The joys of proper eating.

My weight is currently at 278, and I want to lose 80 more pounds. If that rumor of cock length is true then I'll have an additional two inches after I've lost the weight. I measured myself the other day and I'm an average length with a 4g Prince Albert crown. I'm not holding my breath, but it is exciting to think that it is a possibility. (I understand that this is just a fantasy.)

I'm excited about tonight. I have a play date with K set up and I'm going to be doing so much to her. We've negotiated everything out, we're clear about what is and isn't acceptable, and we're both very excited. She's probably very nervous, but she said as much.

I'll let you know how the play date went later on. I have to go hunt for work now.

Weight 278

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Reading outside of my Diary

Hey guys,

I just thought that I would be the friendly blogger and link up to some of the other bloggers whom I'm following now and give you the best of the best in terms of content and relevancy.

Entering the Scene (A Lonely Pervert Guide)

This is a wonderful essay about getting into the scene, especially if you're single.

A pillar of the community if you ask me.

I love her voice.

I miss these guys. We should pester them to make new shows.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Measurement Wednesday!

I've done the workout about five times. I've made my own little adjustments to the order of things on the DVD, like stretching before I do the exercises. Not that they're difficult by themselves, but I just seem to do more after stretching.

If Kat were to do another one of these videos, I would have to say adding some stretches in the beginning to get warmed up with would be a great idea. I mean, really…who doesn’t stretch before they work out?

I would also suggest leaving more time between exercises that require a position change. I'm an out of shape kinky bastard and sometimes I just need to breathe after doing some of the core work. So when Jessie comes out ready to do pushups, I really hate him at that point, because I'm still on my back panting from the stomach crunches.

I'm a bit confused about the ending of the DVD; are we supposed to masturbate or have an orgasm at the end of the as part of the workout? It's implied but never included as part of it…

Some things I've noticed since starting the workout: when I first started the workout on the 3rd of May, I was three exercises in and sweat was pouring off me in buckets. Today I'm sweating, but it isn't the pool of sweat I had before. My heart was pounding in my chest and throat those first few days, but not now.

I don't feel much different except I've noticed I'm eating less and staying full longer, and people have really noticed that I'm looking much better. I'm not porn star quality yet, but damnit, that's what I'm shooting for!

I didn't take my measurements at the beginning of the regime, but I'm going to get them now and post them and then come back to them in a week.

Measurement Wednesday is born.


Navel 46" totally relaxed

Upper Thigh 34"

Chest 46"

Weight unknown, no scales available

Click my links and buy the DVD. It works. It isn't a joke.

I can has an affiliation!

That's right! This workout DVD that I've been telling you about has agreed to let me hawk their wares on my blog!

Click on the links, buy the DVD, and help me help you by helping me.

A shot of Vanilla in a chocolate world.

I feel like a hypocrite, but I'm not really. I stated that I'm not using fetlife to meet new people for dating purposes, but I end up meeting people through the site anyway.

I met K through fetlife. K is a sweet girl who has a lot of kinky desires and a couple of obstacles standing in the way of her fantasy fulfillment.

She has an online dom and is currently going through a divorce. I'm just offering her my services as a play partner. I think that I have to make that very clear to her. I'm not looking to get romantically involved with her, but to just help her scratch her itch while she helps me scratch mine.

I like her, she's cool. But I'm not going to take it further than play partners.

There's been no word from S on M, but that's fine. I'm keeping myself distracted with my life to really worry about what's going on with them.

The meeting went well. We talked about a lot of things and we're going to be meeting on a more regular basis. Kink's anonymous!

I'm upset with my ipod. I had written out a nice long article about being a nice guy and what you really have to do be the man in the relationship and when I went to bring it over and polish it up, the article was gone.

How do you punish a piece of technology? Set it in the corner? Give it a good technical tap?

I recorded my missing article, driving down the road just using my ipod to record my thoughts. I may just post that after editing it a bit to tighten it up.

I think I'll do just that.

During the meeting; something strange happened. This may be normal but this is the first time it happened with me. So we're all together in a public Cafe talking about our kinky lives when I see this cute girl walk towards us and waves at me.

She, Kc, comes over and sits down with us and starts chatting with the group as if she belongs and we're just throwing terms at her like TNG and Fetlife. I pick up that she isn't quite getting it. So I lean in to her and I say... "We're into the kinky sex".

Turns out she's a swinger.

To make a long story shorter, Kc's friend comes along and gets sucked into the group as well and it's like a shot of vanilla into the dark chocolate shake of the soul.

Kc's friend has an overpowering personality and in short order, she had not taken over the meeting but was out talking us. So we got up and left after a couple of minutes. I left with the comment "hey, we're hungry and we're going to steaknshake. You're going to the bar right?"

The rest of the night was just fun talking and trying to come up with new ideas for what we can do as a group in the future.

Be on the look out for my podcast and I'll talk at you later guys.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Kinky bastard is branching out.

I saw S again yesterday just to touch base with her and to give her a leather rose to give to M when she sees her again. I showed her the pictures that I had edited thus far and where I had posted them.

S loves them. S also said that the leather rose was a good touch for M. According to S, M is seeing this one jerk that just doesn't get her, but he's unemployed, possessive and jealous so they end up fighting more often than anything else. If S is right, then M and her boi toy are going to be splitting up here pretty soon regardless of what anybody else does.

So I got an email from my google adsense yesterday regarding the two pictures I posted of S, apparently they violated something in the user agreement so they disabled my adds on that page, but they're going to be looking for more violations of their moral code so as to shut down my adsense account.

I'm torn about whether I want to keep my adsense account and not post images, or if I want to continue to post images and just look for new affiliates.

I met K yesterday. We talked briefly on the internet and then we met for coffee at one of the local shops. K is interested in trying new things all bdsm and sexually oriented. So far we have a bit of common ground but only in as much as just playing around goes. I don't think that K and myself would be good for a full blown relationship unless we found some additional common ground to work with.

K has an online dom that lives in Italy. She's talking to him about playing with me and how she's doing all these things for his pleasure over cam. I have to admit that while I tried the online thing before, I just prefer the real life feeling of it all. I'm eager to play with her and really get to acquire more experience for all the things that I wish to be doing. We're just going to have to be patient.

I have a facebook in my real name and I had gotten a request from a girl, her name isn't important enough for me to even try to butcher, who ended up wanting me to join this group called hotpicdating or something and to swap naked pics with her.

I hate these kinds of spammers and I really hate the cam 'tehe, just sign up with your credit card and then cancel' whores.

So I called her out and said I didn't believe she was real. Or that if she was real, then she wasn't interested in dating anybody but just wanting to fill her quota of the day for her internet pron business. I'm a real guy who is looking for my kinky girl, I don't have the time to sit there and watch some girl whom I'm never going to meet or even have a relationship with take off her clothes for her camera and all the faceless masses of viewers. She was cute though. If I'm exceptionally lucky, she'll start a correspondence with me based on some respect and we could conceivibly build something from that. I'm being realistic though, I won't hear from her and then I'll remove her from my friends list.

Today is the local TNG meeting.

We're meeting tonight at 8 and it is going to be a lot of fun. The last meeting we had was before the big flood here in Tennessee so it's going to be interesting catching up with everybody and seeing how people are doing. I'm hoping that the turn out will be bigger than last time.

TNG; There's a concept for you. I like the idea and I'm all for the concept, but I've been told that the TNG stands for either The New Guard; a reference to The Old Guard leather groups of yesteryear, and I've been told it also stands for The Next Generation, in which case I feel that Patrick Stewart must somehow be involved.

Really I don't care about the name as much as I do about the purpose and intent behind the group and what we accomplish. Maybe some parties and some get together's and maybe some classes. Just really connect the people together into something of a community.

I leave you with the question; should I continue to post my pictures as I create them and hang adsense or should I keep adsense happy because they could be paying my bills one day?

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Pink Tape for a pretty girl.

I ended up asking S to let me shoot her for my portfolio and to allow me to begin anew with my photography career and to provide a base for my studio.

She said yes and we followed through with that agreement on Mother's day.

Being a single kinkster does have certain advantages, mainly in that I don't have to worry about potential jealousy. I got my space ready for company and grabbed all the appropriate equipment and headed down to where S was staying.

When I walked in the door, S was ready to go. She was bringing an escort, J, with her for her own reasons. Many photographers don't like the models having an escort for a myriad of reasons. Often times because there was a bad experience with an escort in the past. An escort is somebody that the model brings for their own sense of security, at least that's the intent.

Escorts can go wrong in so many ways, you can get the 'tell me what you're doing' guys, the 'self appointed white knight protector of the virtue' guy, or the 'touch everything oh that just fell' guy.

I don't have an issue with escorts. I just demand a few moments with both the model and the escort before anything else goes on and lay out the rules. The model's comfort level is the ultimate priority at my shoots, if they aren't comfortable then the images aren't going to work, not the escort's. So if the model isn't crying foul, then stay quiet.

If an escort has an idea, then I'm open to it.

And then I go about and talk about the limits I have with the model with the escort right there. That way they have a very clear un

derstanding about what I'm going to be doing with the model.

If the escort objects; then one of two options is available. The escort can leave and not come back, or the shoot is over and I thank them for their time.

Luckily, my terms and limits were acceptable to both S and J.

We shot all over the city. But it was when we got back to my space that things really clicked and went into high gear.

At one point, S's grandmother called during the shoot and instead of pausing and waiting for her to finish her conversation, I plowed on as quietly as possible. That was some fun right there.

If S ever wants to be a fetish model. or a bondage model, or just a regular model, then I will be happy to promote that career.

We ended up talking about M and they were just commenting that M would be all over me in a hot minute if she knew about my kinky side. Buddy, let me tell you that if things work out the way I would like them too... I'll be grinning so big that they'll be able to see it from space.

With that being said; I refuse to get excited about that idea, M and me getting together, because it isn't as likely as I would like it too be.

I cheated on my diet tonight. I got one of my favorite hamburgers from Jack in the Box and I wasn't as happy with the taste of the damn thing as I used to be. I've actually got myself enjoying salads and chicken more than I do hamburgers.

I'm not going to be doing that anymore. ick.

I guess that the next thing on my agenda is to get another job or source of income.

I'm working on the name of my new media company. I've tried Taboo Designs, but that's taken. No Regrets Media; taken.

I'll have to sleep on it.

Tonight I go to bed with a smile on my face with the knowledge of a damn good job done well.

Edit: Google Adsense doesn't like my images. Thus I feel like they're attempting to censor me. So I'm going to let them go.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Happy Mother's Day!

Haircut day

Makeover time: the hairstyle.
Having good hair is important. It says things about you. Do you take care of yourself?

I'm going to interview the stylist about how important the right haircut is for single men.

A bit later...

The big talk about my hair style just confirmed that I have been getting the right hairstyle all along. I inquired the stylist about hair and dating and the answer I got was that the length didn't matter as long as the person took care of their hair.

Not what I was really looking for, but it was good to revalidate what I already knew.

We cut my hair short and tight, but not military style.

I already feel better with the new hair style.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod

Dogs are excellent judges of character

Sometimes doing a good deed pays off.

There are times when you are presented with opportunities that you can pass up or you can jump upon.

Sometimes they lead to a good time, often they don't, but I don't think I'll regret going down to pick up my friend from floodsville tonight.

S and I have known each other in passing for years now. I met S when she was but a tiny little teenager and I have watched her become a young woman. Naturally I kind of like the idea of me and her getting together, but she's got a man right now so I'm not going to push that issue.

But she isn't the happiness in this little story. The happiness comes in the form of her friend whom you get introduced to. Cute little girl, M. I think I made a good impression, but my 'game' wasn't on tonight because I'm still in the preliminary 'get my ass into shape' so I didn't really get some good flirting in or some power moves.

Which leads into my next point; girls are fucking everywhere and you never know when you'll be meeting somebody new. Be a Boy scout and be prepared.

As much as I love my friends and family, it took a good stranger to bring me back to earth and let me know that, yes, even though I've been losing weight, I still have a surplus.

That's cool though. I still feel better than ever and I'm still driving towards that killer body I want so bad... I'll settle for a more functional model though.

I think that I'm on the edge of a revelation about women and flirting in general. The edge of it. I'm not there yet.

Me and S bonded tonight in a way that we've never bonded before... she got my iphone and looked at my porn stash. I don't know what the hell I look at when I'm bored and horny at 3 o'clock in the morning, but I should probably stop putting it on my iphone. There were things that I probably shouldn't have on there.

I knew S wasn't an innocent teenager anymore when she started rating the difficulty of some of the positions that she flipped through. Not counting the contortionist poses.

So here's to growing up and to meeting new people.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Graduating class of being single

Being single sucks.

This is going to be a much less focused entry than what I normally do. A more stream of thought style than an article.

I heard a rumor that if you're over wieght and you're concerned about the size of your penis, then for every 35 pounds that you lose then you will gain an inch of length.

That is something to measure. Get a good and accurate weight and then measure the length of my cock. Everytime I manage to lose 35 pounds then I remeasure my cock. If the rumor is true then that is another reason to lose the weight.

I'm not grossly heavy, I'm just heavy. People say I wear the weight well. I don't care about wearing the weight well, I don't want to wear the weight at all.

I did the fortradvd exercises again today. I'm not as sore as I was the first time, but still sore. I'm looking forward to the weekend to recuperate a couple of day before hitting the workout again.

My friends and family say that the exercises are having an effect, I'm tightening up. I'm not seeing it yet, but I like that others do.

The state of affairs:
Employment: currently in flux.
Income: unsure.
Potential partners: one online potential, one ex fiancé, and one old college friend: none of them local.

Being affected by the flood has been interesting. Even though my home was not effected, the waters of the river have disrupted my life. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise, forcing me to find better employment opportunities where I was being stagnant before.

Today, I revisited the college I graduated from two years ago to watch my father accept his own diploma.

The expected thing is to be taken with a sense of nostalgia, but I'm not. I'm proud of my dad for finally graduating but you can never return home. I don't know any of the people here any more.

On the other hand, seeing all of the early to mid twenty aged girls dressed up in their finest was very nice.

I'm rubbernecking, which is bad. I'm not here to meet and flirt but to honor and respect my father. Besides, I still need a haircut.

I walked two years ago with a bachelor of science in media technology. I have yet to put that degree to use. I am seriously considering the idea of taking my friend's offer of putting together a pay site for her and then expanding so something more artistically hardcore.

This is all speculation at this point. I guess being back in a college location is getting my creative juices flowing for the moment.

This would tie into my desire to produce a book of my photography. I've always wanted to put that book together.

I've got a fairly large library of old images from years ago that I took. I would love to use them but I think that I should focus on starting anew with new girls and a new set.

I should research on the ways to sell the images rather than just sit on them.

Magazines would be the first option then websites.

I should move if I'm going to pursue this type of career. Just away from the Nashville area and its bible belt mentality about nudity and sexuality.

The girls here are pretty enough but there are just not enough of them with the right mentality.

Here's the plan of action.
Research how to set up a pay site.
Research what record keeping is required for an adult pay site.
Get a theme for the site.
Find a model.
Find a buyer for the images.
Shoot the shit out of the model and try to make some money.

It is nice to think that I could meet the future mrs. Kinkster here at this graduation ceremony, but again I'm not here to flirt.

The graduation went well.

I am going to see about generating my own work via the internet.

Talk to you later.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Do You Take It?

This is a wonderful song that is amazing to gauge the type of girl you have with you.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Happiness? Validation? WTF is this?

So, despite my better judgment, I’m talking to a girl I met on fetlife. I didn’t go out looking for this girl, but rather she came out and pursued me. She’s cute and attractive and lives so far away that I couldn’t see myself making the trip anytime soon to see her.

There are some other factors I have to consider about the relationship, I’m not one for a long-distance relationship as they never seem to work for me. So I’m making it clear to her that we’re just talking right now and if something happens between us then excellent.

Does this mean I'm going to stop with my blogging and my continued effort to test out these dating techniques? Nope. We just met and we're just talking. The understanding is that because there is so much landscape between me and her that if something else comes up and it is more local, then go ahead and pursue it. Too many variables to be pinning all your hopes and dreams on somebody you meet online anyway.

Today is the day that I do the exercises again. I’m going to change it so that I do some stretching before I hit play this time, limber up a bit before I wear myself out.

Being single and kinky is not easy. There are all these things that I want to do that I just can’t do without a second person. Over the years, I’ve collected an impressive amount of toys and they’ve done an excellent job of collecting dust and eating up space in my closet for the past few years.

Recently I’ve expanded the collection a bit to include a couple of metal butt plugs with the jewels on them and an anal hook. Maybe I can start a website with this base? Others have with less. Any cute girls want to be tied up and violated for fun and photography? Doesn’t pay much in the beginning but will pay off big in the long run. Any takers?

I saw my father today. We had just seen each other a few days ago.

His first comment to me was that it looked as if I was starting to lose some inches. Tightening up as it were. If I had needed a boost to tell me that the exercises were a good move, then that was it.

I did the exercises again this morning, so now I'm really sore. It's still in the realm of good pain, but it does hurt.

People tend to laugh when I tell them about this new exercise program, but I have to say that I love the simplicity of it. The gimmick of this video is that it promises to make you better in bed, that is a promise I can live with.

I've gone to the library today to do a little bit of research into my chosen topic of dating and relationships. I picked up a handful of books on the subject and in each one they go into how I should find validation for my life from my life and not from the elusive “her.”

The reasoning for this bit of advice is solid and I'll admit to having forgotten this lesson once or twice, but if you aren't happy with your life, then who in their right mind is going to want to share their life with you?

Not to mention that if you have all your happiness pinned on the shoulders of some girl, then you're going to come off as desperate and needy. Being either of those things is like using gasoline to put a fire out, just doesn't work.

Find happiness outside of who you are wanting to date. So what makes me happy?

* going out and photographing people.

* hanging out with friends

* reading a good book

* teaching

* experiencing new things

* playing on photoshop

* getting people together

* video games

* watching movies

* writing

* exercising

* being a leader

* being involved

* learning new things

* being able to not worry about money

* being the best at something

Of course what really makes me happy is sex, but that requires a partner so I'm leaving that off the list for the moment.

I forgot this lesson once, pinned all my happiness on the idea of me and this girl being together and she did the appropriate thing and got the hell away from me and found some other guy. To that I say awesome.

She did the right thing.

Be willing and able to walk away and be sure to make it clear that no matter what she does, you are going to be having a good time. It would be to her benefit to join you but with or without her, your life will not stop on her dime.

Think about it. I'm out for the day, putting out resumes and hitting on businesses so I can make the money to pay for the dates.