Swimming upstream towards the bears

Sometimes it can be hard to go against the grain of expectations. I do my best to be the best I can be and not be one of the many 'doms' out there by just wretching control from a prospective submissive. I want to seduce the submission from them, to have them give it to me willingly and to exchange their power for my control.

I've heard the horror stories of the girls setting up a profile on some of these sites out there, bdsmsingles, collarme, fetlife and a few I probably haven't heard of and within a day, their inboxes are just filled to bursting with messages from men and women all claiming to be either dominants, masters, or mistresses and all saying the exact same thing.

"I am now your master, submit to my will."

I wonder how many girls actually fall for that line of B.S.

I believe in Power Exchange. I love taking a powerful woman and having her relinquish her power to me. To have control of such a woman that others are afraid of her and she has submitted to me. That is intoxicating.

Now I'm not saying I'm forcing her to do anything, it would be 100% voluntary.

That does lead into some interesting conversations though. How does one such as I begin a conversation with a willing submissive who's put themselves on the block as a submissive and I want to get to know the person before I have their submission? I want to know them before I start ordering them around acting like a cat or dog, leading them around on a leash.

It is powerful for me to know that the person that is at my feet looking reverently up at me is somebody other than just a playmate.

"Hey, how are you doing?" Doesn't seem to cut it.

I guess this is why I'm opting out of online dating. As much as I can.

I need to work on my flirting and conversation skills. I had a golden opportunity the other day and I couldn't think of a single thing to talk about to this vanilla girl I had just met.

She was cute with glasses and a big nose but she had a body on her and a tight little butt.

Here's another good question: does watching porn effect how you view women?
I know that it does effect how I view myself and what the expectations of women are in the bed.

I have to remind myself that not all girls have had porno experience in that all the men in their lives haven't had 10+ meat sticks between their legs nor will they ever. Chances are that I'm actually larger than they are.

For those of you trying to figure it out, yes, I have performance anxiety because of my weight and health. Both of which I am improving.

Depending on what happens today, I may not have time to do my exercises today... The mornings seem to fly by so quickly and the afternoons aren't much different.

My attitude towards inflicting pain has gone from reluctant to eager here these past few months, it helps when people are asking for it as opposed to afraid of it. As I continue to gain more experience, I'll probably find more of my inner sadist and really start to come into my own as far as that goes.

That being said, I'm looking forward to playing with K again. Last time it was about dominance and pleasure, but this time it will be about dominance and pain, maybe a little pleasure.

We'll see.