Friday, May 21, 2010

Ex girlfriend blues

The job hunt continues.

After missing the exercises on Wednesday I did them today and I feel the neglect.

Ex girlfriends are a bitch. Especially ones that you fell in love with and they didn't. I hate that she said that she had though. The memory of her saying the words 'I love you' in my ears on multiple occasions haunted my thoughts for many months and made me a desperate man trying to purge her from me after she had left.

I can honestly say that I'm indifferent to her now. She has moved on and for the longest time she was asking me to give her time while she got her life together. Lies. She never had the intention of coming back to me, and like many cowards, she was afraid to give me a straight answer. So even though she claimed to not want to lead me on, she had me by a leash and was parading me around.

It took her getting a boyfriend before telling me the truth about her feelings and letting me know that the possibility of us getting back together were nill.

I have to admit that I went through emotional hell over her. I had fallen in love and she had me convinced she felt the same. But alas she didn't actually have those feelings.

Our last 'conversation' I wanted to at the very least be a friend, but she didn't trust me to be just a friend. That she didn't care one way or the other if we were friends or not. So I told that it was in her hands and I have since left her alone.

Three to four weeks later, I've moved on and not haunted by her any more. I get full nights of sleep. I'm very glad to have her out of my life. I don't want her back. I don't miss the person I was when I was in love with her without her.

She text's me up today: "hey... Been thinking about u since the flood. D works for charter who is putting in the lines for ya'lls new office. Hope ur doing okay."

"I'm fine" was all I responded with. I was tempted to say so much more. I had a brief flash of emotion about her, but I am not going to pursue this girl anymore.

I sincerely hope that I don't hear from her again. I don't one hundred percent trust myself in regards to her. I was willing to make the commitment, to marry this girl to be a part of her life. She rejected me by going out and finding another man.

So fuck her. If I ever get the opportunity, I think I would have to tie her down and grudge fuck her ass. Then shove a butt plug in her after cumming inside of her. Ex Sex is the best because you don't care what happens after you're done. You're not their boyfriend. The funny thing about this is that I don't feel this way about all my ex's, just this one. She's the only one that I want to just utterly humiliate and degrade to the point of a doing all that above, then a golden shower on her, tossing her out the door butt as naked with her clothes thrown out at her shortly after and I wouldn't care about losing the butt plug.

She has had her opportunity with me, she let me go. Hell, she crumpled me up and threw me away. Her 'concern' for me means about as much to me now as her admissions of love do to me now as well.

I can't say that the thought of getting back together with her is a bad one, but she is convinced that she's damaged goods and is bound and determined to act the part. I hope that the new guy is experiencing the same drama that she put me through.

I'm done with her. She's a weakness, my weakness.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod


  1. Wow! That was deep. Very sad at the beginning, but I couldn't help but laugh when you wrote about the butt plug, golden shower, etc.

    Love can be very painful. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

  2. I view it as character building. I don't see it as a bad thing. I recognize that I'm weak in regards to her and I hope that one day she stumbles onto this and realizes what it means.