Diary of a single kinkster: QandA

So I’ve gotten a few questions from a couple of readers and I would like to take a moment to answer some of them and also answer some additional questions that I have cooking on the back burner.

cfs from Fetlife writes in and asks: I have a hard time telling a guy I met in a vanilla setting my other side. How do you plan to tell her when you already found a girl but don’t know if she's into kinks as well?

Subtle hints, a playful slap on the ass during foreplay, share a kinky fantasy, leave some 'incriminating' evidence out for her to find, or in the excitement of foreplay ask her to do something kinky and see how she reacts.

And if all else fails... Have a talk with her. Let her know that I'm a kinky guy and any relationship I get into will have that element.

For yourself: I would suggest something similar. It really does depend on how important kink is to you. If you can do without it, then don't risk it. But if you think that he'll react badly to the idea and you need kink, then he isn't fulfilling your needs.

Forbidden Light said...

Sounds like the makings of an interesting strand or stories and revelations...I look forward to discovering what make you so "kinky"...

What makes me so kinky?

I’m into bdsm, bondage discipline, domination submission, and sadism and masochism.

I like to tie people up with rope bondage, shibari bondage, suspension bondage, and leather bondage. I would like to try predicament bondage at some point.

I like to play with toys when with my partner, bringing them to orgasm or just idly playing with them while they’re bound and helpless.

I like anal sex, playing with anal toys, and butt plugs

I love the idea of being served by her while she’s naked and submissive.

I have several fantasies that I want to live out, tying my girl up in a shibari rope dress and then dressing up and going out with her. The rope is knotted at strategic points so as to erotically torment her during the time out. Have her learn and hold some positions naked while some of our kinky friends are over and she’s not allowed to move for any reason. Have her act as a kitty and me her master. Go out and play in a semi public area.

I want to go to fetish events.

I want to photograph our relationship as part of an artistic project.

If she wanted to, I would be willing to allow her to have me with a strap on.

I have plenty of toys that would keep us occupied for a long time to come.

Forbidden Light also said

I'm interested in reading more about the niche you're looking to carve out. Does the scarcity lie in the limited number of open-minded women or are your proclivities unpopular?

The niche I’m trying to carve out isn’t a new one, but rather a different way of looking at the dating relationship template. Instead of coming at it from a position of success, I’m the guy that all of the dating guru’s are trying to reach and teach. I’m going to be taking their advise and putting them to the test and reporting to you if they work or not.

The scarcity lies in my habits as a dating man. I'm not putting myself out there where the women are and I've got just enough dating experience to be dangerous but not suave nor devastating.

From what I've seen, the women are open to the idea, maybe not on the same level as they would be out in, say, Chicago. But I can't say that they aren't open-minded or if these activities are unpopular. They may be unpopular in public.

Why vanilla dating? Why not find an already kinky girl from one of the kinky social sites such as Collarme or Fetlife?

Several reasons. The major one is that many of the girls on these social sites have been bombarded by messages from so many men that have no idea what they’re doing let alone how to talk to a girl. So their expectations become skewed and they begin to expect that all interactions on these sites with men will end up boiling down to men trying to get into their pants as quick as they are able too.

I’m not going to deny that isn’t my goal, but at the same time I like being able to return to my playground to play again in the future, so I don’t burn the place down the first time I’m there.

Another reason is that there are some kinks I’m just not into so I find myself looking past somebody for reasons that may turn me on in real life.

The ultimate reason is one of numbers though; I have had far more success offline than I have ever had online.

What are you looking for? What are you attracted to and what the ultimate goal?

I’m actually reluctant to put up what it is that I’m attracted too because I don’t want to inhibit my search because somebody assumes I’m not willing to bend on something.

I can say what I’m attracted to physically, mentally, and socially.

Physically: I like smaller girls, small breasts and petite bodies. Slim, athletic, tall, short, or average. I’m also attracted to the tall and strong women, who’ve actually been to the gym and could, if they really wanted too, kick my ass.

I am not attracted to the bigger girls. Trust me, I tried. I’m just not sexually attracted to the BBW’s out there.

Mentally: I love intelligence. I love it when I can have a conversation with my girlfriend and not have to stop and dumb myself down for her. On that same token I don’t want to have to put her in that very position.

The mind trumps the body; so if I find a really smart girl I can connect with and she doesn’t have the perfect body, then she’ll win out over some vapid waste of space that looks good in a bikini.

I’m heteroflexible meaning that I’m willing to let her have me with the strap on (only her) and I’m willing to run with the idea of a male to female transgender as a partner.

I’m shallow enough to realize that appearances are important to me but deep enough to try to look beyond them.

The ultimate goal of mine is marriage and beyond.

I hope this answers some questions that you may have about me and you produce additional questions for me.